New Day: What If Bella Bite a Human
by BBFree
Summary: This is my story after Breaking Dawn. One night Bella and Edward are in Seattle Christmas shopping when out of nowhere a girl is hit by a car. Her scent fills the street and Bella losses control. She bites the girl. I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT OR CHARACTERS. R
1. Death

Chapter 1 Death

My life started May 18, 1989 and it end a short 20 years later on December 2, 2009 at 2:45 am and about 72 hour later my new life started. In those 72 hours my body was in more pain than it had been in my death. This fire made getting hit by that car nothing. I heard voices but only when I couldn't scream anymore.

"It is almost over, just stay strong"

Besides that all I could hear was them talking to each other. I couldn't make it make sense. They keep saying it will be alright, no one is perfect and one of them keep saying sorry to me and the other, she just keep apologizing. If that girl was the reason I was in so much pain I would kill her. That is if I could ever move again. The longer I was there the more I could hear and smell and a new worse burn built in my throat. Finally the burn got weaker not like a fire being put out more like slowly dying down.

"Please don't open your eyes yet let me explained things first. My name is Carlisle Cullen and my daughter Bella found you"

"I'm so sorry"

"Bella let me finish, she found you after the car hit you and she could not help herself and she bite you…"

"Bella it is ok. We all make mistake"

"Edward, please no more interruptions. Because Bella bite you and didn't kill you…..now you're one of us now, a vampire."

My eyes opened before he finished the word. My mind was working on two planes now not like multitasking but more like to separate complete minds on at once. I thought of everything I knew about vampires. Things I had learned from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and movies like 30 Days of Night. There were some many different variations.

My other mind was thinking about what my eyes where seeing. I don't even know where to start. This place looks like a hospital. Everything was in HD or like under a microscope but more clear. I could see every strand of hair on their head and there were a lot of heads. There were four women and four men. They were the most beautiful people I had ever seen. They all had pale skin and honey colored eyes. Then a third mind woke up angry and the burn in my throat got worse. Two of the boy, one a blond with all these mark on his body and the other a brunette (not really a brunette because his hair had a red tint) yelled "Carlisle" at the same time.

"Of course," he said, "you must be so thirsty"

Thirst that was the burn in my throat. Vampire. Thirst. I needed blood. Now I stopped think about what I knew about vampire and just thought about what they did. They killed people. They are monsters. I am a monster. I wish I knew which one was Bella so I could killer her. I would be better off dead.

"Stop that now. Bella didn't mean to do this and you are lucky she had the will to stop." He looked so angry I thought he may attack "If you try to hurt Bella, I will" said the one I was pretty sure was named Edward. I just nodded, because I could tell he meant it.

A girl with long brown hair left the room. She must have been Bella. How could she do this to me? I just keep wish I would have died.

"You should not think like that. If you find someone you true love this life can be pure bless. And yes I'm Edward and she was Bella", Edward said. He tried to follow here but one of the boys stopped him and said that they need him.

Now I was confused. Had I been talking out loud

"No. I can read peoples thoughts"

"What!?!?" I said in a voice that was not my own.

"When you changed your voice changed too and so did your looks and how you smell, and sometime you get a gift like my reading minds. That is why you don't sound the same"

"Edward that is too much, give the girl so time to process." A women with a heart shaped face said.

She was right my thought were everywhere. I looked different and sounded different and had to kill people. Oh yah this is a great new life.

"You don't have to kill people; we live off animal blood, and we will take you hunting very soon. We just have some questions for you." Edward said.

"Okay" I said in my new voice. Honesty I missed my old voice, which I had always hated. I used to sound like a small child with a cold (raspy and high pitched).

He looked at Carlisle, the blond man.

"What is your name and where are you from?" Carlisle ask very sweetly.

"My name is Amanda Brooks, and I'm from Lowell, Massachusetts" I respond.

I wasn't even sure if I was still that person. Was I still the same quiet girl. Quiet not because I am shy but because I only speak when I have something to say. I had never felt the need to fill my time with meaningless small talk. Was I still the same overconfident person. Was I still the person who saw close friends (real friends) as family and family as another part of myself. I want to cry but I could get the tears out. So many times when I was alive I want to hold back my tears and be strong. Now as hard as I cried on the inside there was nothing on the outside.


	2. Hostage

Chapter 2 Hostage

"Okay Amanda, as I said before I am Carlisle Cullen. This is my wife Esme, and our children Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, Alice, and Edward. Bella is the one who left and there is one more Cullen who is not here Renesmee. You will not meet her for awhile" Carlisle stated so proud of his "family"

"No offence but I'm not planning to stay here long. I have to go home. I was only in Seattle cause I was visiting my aunt--oh god she must be so scared. See I was walking from her house to the car to get my purse…then I saw the headlights….and ….and…. then there was pain in my chest and legs….then the burn started….and now I'm here and I'm a …a monster"

"I'm sorry, but you cannot go home. No one can see you. No one can be near you till your ready. Right now if you went home, It is very likely you would kill your family. You're a newborn and have no control. I'm truly sorry. You are welcome to stay with us until you get past this." It was the first time Esme spoke.

"Can I see a mirror please?" I had to know how different I looked. All of the Cullen look like people just more beautiful than most.

"Your eyes are going to look red, don't let that scare you. They will become less vibrant over time and if you stick to the animal blood soon they will look like ours." The one name Alice told me. I looked at her eye and wonder how it would look on me.

She brought over a mirror that was more than twice her size. No one looked surprise, but one of the guys the really big one said something about déjà vu. When the mirror was getting closer I closed my eyes. I was too scared to look.

"Open your eyes. Honestly you're beautiful there is no way for you not to be."

I opened my eyes slowly. I looked at my feet first. My skin was the same shade of brown it had always been. I always described myself as mocha colored but Covergirl called my skin tone toasted almond. My toes where still painted. I worked my way up. I was wearing new jeans that where a little too tight. My legs were still long and my thighs were still a little bigger then I would like. I keep looking up my body slowly. I was wearing a new top to, it was a white blouse with an empire waist and little tie cup sleeves. It was so pretty. I got to my neck and thought I would see to big bite marks but there was nothing. I took a deep breath and looked at my face. This face was beautiful, but I wasn't mine. I always loved my face because no matter how I felt about my body I look at my face and felt pretty. I was never supermodel beautiful, I never the type to stop traffic but I was pretty. Now I was that supermodel maybe better, but I wasn't me. My eyes had always been too small for my face, now they fit. They were like Alice said bright red like there was a spotlight behind them. I never seen a color like this and now they where my eye. My nose was different too. My lips used to be really plum now they were shaped different but still round. The only thing that didn't really change was my cheek bones. Even the beauty mark on my cheek was gone. I was gone.

"No you're not." Edward chimed in "You look very much the same, just look at your whole face."

So I did and maybe he was right. I didn't look like they same girl but I could pass for my own sister. A chill went down my spine as I thought about my real sisters Cam and Ellen. Ellen was my older sister; she is married and had the two best sons in the world. Cam is my best friend, she is 18. How could I not see them? How could I kill them?

"I need to leave. You don't understand my family needs me!"

"We will talk about all of this later. Now it is time to hunt." Carlisle said, "Emmett, Alice, and Jasper go with her. Edward go find a good spot with no people, and then you can come back." Carlisle told everyone.

"OK, follow me." Alice said. Now that I was standing next to her I could see that Alice was tiny, I didn't think she was even 5 feet. I stayed closer to Alice she had this energy about her that made me feel safe.

"What are we hunting?" I asked try to sound casually.

"Bears." Alice replied very quickly

"BEARS?"

"Yah we don't want to be too far from home on your first hunt."

"Now how are we going to catch them?"

"You have all the tools you need already."

"But I don't know what to do, I have no idea."

"It will be ok, it is all instincts."

"No, you don't get it. I can't"

"You'll be great, just trust me."

We left the big white room I had been in. I look around the house. I'm not really sure if I could call it a house it was more like a mansion. Huge and beautiful. The whole place smelled amazing. It smelled like the ocean and citrus and flowers lots of kind of flowers I couldn't name. Everything it this house was neat. I had always been a slob was I going to suddenly be a neat freak. Pure white couches, huge antique dining table, and a massive big screen TV, they must be rich. We got to the back of the house which was this clear glass wall. Their backyard was a forest with river included. Edward said he would be right back then he put on foot in front of the other and "OH SHIT" how could he move so fast. I saw him moving fast then anything I had ever seen, as he ducked past tree millisecond before he should have it them. They all laughed. I was starting to panic but then I felt calm, but this feeling came out of nowhere. Even as calm as I felt I could make what I had seen today make sense.

"Please I'm so confused, what is happening." I pleaded.

"Ok, I'm not sure how to start. When you become a vampire everything about you changes except for who you are. I know that doesn't make sense but that how it is. Your body changes but your personality doesn't." Alice told me, "When your body goes through the change, your skin harden, I know that you feel the same to yourself but to other you are as hard as rock, but your more durable the rock. Nothing can ever hurt you besides other vampires and ….well you don't have to worry about that now. Your also become more graceful. You don't have to breathe and you can stand like a sculpture for days, if you wanted. Your skin also feels cold to any human. Goosh what else…oh the abilities you can run really fast and your strong, stronger than any of us and you may have a special ability we just have to wait and see."

With as much information as she just through at me I thought I would forget but I absorbed everything she said. Especial the part about how I was stronger. I looked to my right at the giant next to me, Emmett. I was stronger than him? I start to form a plan. I would go with them in to the wood. I would wait for the two big guys to be distracted. Then when it was just me and Alice I would run if she followed I would fight her. If they followed me to I would take them on to. I could do this I was the STRONGEST.

Alice made a stand face. It looked like she was somewhere else but it was more then she was just spacing out.

"What was it" Jasper asked. Just then Edward came back.

"I found a great spot no people, and plenty of bears." When he came back his eyes where different. They were more gold then before and the lines under his eyes were less noticeable.

As Edward told Jasper and Emmett where to go Alice came up to me.

"I'm only going to say this once; if you try to run it will not end well for you. Believe me, my family is helping you."


	3. Hunt

Chapter 3 Hunt

Running was easier than I thought. I start to run the way I always had I pushed my feet hard against the ground propelling myself forward and I was flying. I moved past the trees the way Edward had and now I could see how he did it, there was plenty of time. The winded pushed my face and flowed down my throat to my lungs and just like Alice said I didn't need to breathe I was nowhere near winded. My bare feet didn't bother me as I ran over branches and rocks. I want to feel tired I want to push myself tell I felt human again. As amazing as this feeling but it was it was not natural I ran and ran till I passed them all. "Stop" one of them yelled I didn't care who it was .I had to keep running till all this turned to a horrible, realistic nightmare.

Edward was at my side in no time.

"Stop now you can't run away from what you are."

"But this isn't me." I hate that I said that as clearly as if I was stand rather then run at the speed of a race car or faster(my new feet didn't come with a speedometer). I stop very suddenly I should have gone face first to the ground like being tossed out of a moving train but I didn't. I was standing motionless like I didn't ever moved.

"I understand that this is hard but you have to start accepting the way things are, they will not be changing." Edward sound so wise I hated that. "Now take in a deep breath"

Just then Alice, Emmett and Jasper caught up. Edward left and I did what he said I took in a deep breath. And I smelled a warm, strong pulse. My throat burned worse than before. I look at a creek and their drinking from it was a huge bear. It was terrifying to be so close to this monstrous beast. How was I (the girl who sucked at every sport she ever tried) going to get this bear to not kill me. I know Alice said nothing could hurt me but her and her family and something else, was it a bear….are they trying to kill me.

"You want me to kill that THING", I still couldn't believe that I could.

"Just watch Emmett" Alice told me.

Emmett just cracked a smile then leaped into the air. The bear didn't see anything coming. Emmett was on its back and just snapped the bear's neck. He took his teeth and bite down right below the break.

"See easy" Emmett said then let out a booming laugh.

"Ok, that wasn't much of an explanation" I said in my not mine voice.

"It is all instincts, just try. Do you smell anything?"

Just like the first time I took a deep breath. I smelled another bear but this time I ran to the beast and let my instincts take over. My bear fought back more than Emmett's . It tried to knock me off it's back but I was too strong. I could wait to kill it before I drank. Being that close to it warm blood. I thought I would be too disgusted to drink it, but my thirst was too powerful. I didn't even feel guilty until after (I was part of the WWF, I love animals), I wish I had killed it first it must have been in pain. After I finished every drop of the bear I felt full, I could hear the liquid whoosh around in my stomach. I didn't feel right though. My throat still burned, not as strongly, and the bear left a strange taste in my mouth.

"Great job, you're a natural." Alice complimented then smiled at my sweetly.

"Thanks it was easy like you said." Then I smiled back. Alice was starting to grow on me. I was starting to like Alice despite the fact that I didn't know her, I think it is because she reminds me of Cam. Emmett and I ran back to the house while Jasper and Alice keep hunting. I thought about running but I remember Alice warning _if you try to run it will not end well for you _I knew she meant it. As we got closer to the house I smelled something new it was like the bear but much more appealing and unappetizing at once. I wanted it, this smell was almost right but it had a terrible scent on top like….wet dog? It was like garlic it smells like food, smelly food, but food .As we ran I think Emmett smelled it to because he stop and put his hand out to stop me too.

"Hold on," he said very strongly.

"Why it smells good, well not good, really stinky actually, but it smells almost right."

"Follow me"

Emmett ran to a little cottage. It was beautiful and filled with flowers and pictures of Edward, Bella, and a little girl(mostly the girl). She was beautiful; maybe she was 10 years old, she look just like Edward it was strange.

"Who is this?" I asked Emmett while he dialed a number on his cell phone.

"That Renesmee, she is Edward and Bella's daughter."

"They have a kid?"

I would have never guest vampires could have kids. And they are both so young how could they be her mom and dad. I just was going to give up on understanding this new world for now. I just looked at the pictures on the wall and on end tables and everywhere really. They had tons of pictures; there were lots of the Cullens, and just Bella and Edward, some had pictures had a girl who look a lot like Bella (but not as stunning, she looked beautiful but nothing close to Bella),some of the pictures had these really cute tan guys. One of them was in a lot more than the other. He was so gorgeous, and totally my type: tall, dark, and handsome. He had a great smile that was so white and went from ear to ear. I felt weird looking at this stranger who reminded me so much of the dark memories from my past. I was going to ask Emmett who he was then I saw the look on his face. He looked furious. I got really nervous.


	4. Tribe

Chapter 4 Tribe

After a long stream of profanities Emmett finally hung up the phone. He banged his massive fist against the table next to him, it shattered like glass which was strange because it was a wood table.

"What happened?" I asked timidly.

"Let get to the house." Emmett ordered.

I followed him over the river to the big white house. They where all waiting at the door. When we got to the house I notice that the good part of the smell had left and all that was left was the stink, a stink that made me feel on edge like I had to watch my back. It was so powerful. Everyone looked worried. Then Alice and Jasper showed up.

"How can they do this after all we have been through? We fought side by side. For the pass 3 years we have became so close. Could they really be serious?" Esme let out in all her emotion.

"They are very serious, and none of them want to do this. They feel it is their duty to protect the people, like people are so safe from --", Edwards face was unreadable as he said the words coldly.

Bella interrupted, "I messed everything up again. Not them. Thing were perfect and I ruined them. I just messed up everyone's live Jake and Nesse and Charley and Sue….this will mess everything up for them, and she make him so happy."

"It will all work out Bella"' Alice chimed in.

"OK PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON NOW!!!!" just when I thought I knew everything they brought in more drama.

"Fine it time for a history lesson. I'm starting from the very beginning to right now" Alice stated.

And she did Alice started with how Carlisle became a vampire. I was so shocked to hear how long he has lived (I wouldn't say how old he was because looked not a day over 25). Alice then went into how each member of the family had their own tragic entrance in that made my own death enviable. Then Alice got to more recent time how they moved back to the rainy little town of Forks, Washington so they can go out in daylight (though they don't go out anymore the whole town thinks they moved away 3 years ago).

Then she told me something that I would have never believed. Edward fell in love with Bella when she was still human. Suddenly my mind went back to the picture in the cottage of the girl who looked like Bella--oh my God that was Bella as a human. I couldn't even thing of being it the same room as a person (it made my throat burn to think about) and he fell in love with one. And her how could she love a killer she had to have known what he was. Just as I thought of how disgusting that this all was Alice said something about a million time more shocking. "When Bella was still human they got married and had a baby, Renesmee." I had to say something after that."What does that make her?"

"One of a kind." Rosalie said sounding so proud like it was her baby.

Edward smirked "You're very perceptive."

"Thanks" I replied as sarcastically as possible I didn't like him and he should know that _I don't like you or your stupid selfish wife_. "Go on Alice, I stilled don't get why you are all freaking out."

"Well first off we're not all freaking out, sec—"

"I'm freaking out why aren't you freaking out" Bella interrupted.

"Second it's all because of the …" she was look for the right word "werewolves, I want to sugar coat it but I can't."

"What do you mean WEREWOLVES?!?!" I couldn't believe.

"Yes they are real and you have already smelled the proof. There are a couple of massive packs barely outside of town that we used to have a good relation ship with but Bella broke are treaty by biting you. So now Sam wants us to leave town and never come back, or there will be a fight." She struggled to get the last word out. Then I wonder how she knew this she got here after me and Emmett. Could she read minds like Edward?

"What the big deal that sounds pretty reasonable" well it was go to know that I still blurted out everything I thought.

"Bella's family is still here." Edward was the only one who answered.

"So she can't see then right so why does it matter."I waited, "Don't tell me she is allowed to see her family. How is that fair."

"It's not fair, I'm so sorry that I did this to you. Truly. See I haven't ever hurt a person before. When I was a newborn like you, I was in control. I got to cocky, and I should have been more careful. If I had just been ready when the car hit you, if I had been holding my breath you may still be alive. We don't know that the car would have killed you." She looked like she was going to cry but she couldn't. I could see that she was sorry but I didn't know if it was enough.

"Is there anything else, what about these ability do I have one?" I hoped so I hoped it was something really cool.

"We don't know if you have an ability, we will almost certainly find out soon. That how it was with most of us. I can read minds, Alice can not, she only knew about the wolves because of her cell phone but she _can_ see the future. She can not see everything her visitations. They change as a person changes their mind. When someone makes a choice she what path that choose will lead them to. And she can't see our little furry friends that why she called when the house went black. Jasper can control the emotions of those around him. Nesse can show people her thoughts. And Bella is a shield she can shield herself and those around her from the powers of other like us. Her power was not know to us for quite so time". I looked at the clock it was 1 am and I wasn't sleepy. I just want to sleep to take a break from all of this.

"You can't sleep we don't sleep. Sorry"

"Ahhhhh" This was the worse day of my life and it was never going to end.


	5. Control

Chapter 5 Control

I didn't know what to do with myself I didn't what to ask any more question I just want to not think. That was as close to sleep I was going to get. I went out side to sit by the massive river, Emmett got up to follow me. _Edward can you tell the hulk to back off I'm not going to do anything. _"Emmett it fine let her go". _Thanks._

I walked it to the water. I was sure the water would be freezing but it felt cool and nice despite the fact that it was starting to snow. I didn't know how to not think every time I close my I eyes I see my mom and dad where did they think I was. The must think that _he _got me. I ran back to the house and start to the TV.

"Have any of you seen the news." I said it much loader than I want too.

"Yes we were waiting until you were ready." Carlisle replied.

"Ready for what?" I wait for him to answer went the door bell rang.

"Hold your breath, now" Edward ordered.

I took in a big gust of air like I was about to drown and this was my last breathe. I filled my lungs and wait. Alice went to the door and said "So predictable, I don't need to see the future to know your every move Jacob." She couldn't see his future so he must be one of the werewolves. As I said the word in my head I realized two things first how ridiculous my life had become and second why I was holding my breath. I could still feel the warmth pulsing off his body with out even see him. Jasper was right by my side that second he whisper "It will be fine". He stayed close to the door as far from me as possible but the second he walked into my field of view I know who he. He was the tall guy in all Bella and Edward pictures, he was their friend. He was the one who looked like… I stop there I could think about him now.

"So that her?" Jacob (Unless that was some kind of weird nickname Alice called him) said in a husky voice. He was so handsome, broad shoulders, well developed muscles, beautiful dark eyes , and his whole face was alluring .God it wasn't fair hear is basically my dream guy looks wise at least, and he already knows I'm knows I a monster.

"No Jake that just another newborn we picked up on our way home," Bella answered him. I didn't even know she had entered the room she was so graceful.

"Nesse is in the cottage and you, me, and Edward need to talk now." He sounds so serious.

"Jake there is nothing to talk about. We have made the only choose that we can all live with. I know it's going to be hard but what else can we do."

Jacob started trembling it stated up his hands then moved up his arms until he closed his eyes then when he was only shacking slightly he spoke "Bella you know that you don't have to do this. There is another way, and we can talk about it in the cabin." I wonder what the shacking was about.

"That is NOT an opinion. It'll be fine Jacob everything will work out. Me and Edward will meet you in a minute." Then Bella turned to me, "Amanda, I need you to not go anywhere near the cabin. My daughter Nesse has a pulse and blood runs through her veins because she is half human. If you got to close to her you may not be able to control yourself." Jacob started shacking worse than before. I got the picture if I smelled her daughter I would most likely kill her. Right now I hated Bella but I would never want to hurt an innocent child.

"I promise" I let in a breath after I finished the sentence and before I could realize the smell of the man filled my lungs. I felt nothing except thrust. I felt this want that I never felt before it was not a want it was a need. A need for the closest thing to a human I have been near. Not one second had past before it all happened so fast and all at once, the man changes into a HUGE wolf (That creature in front of me made this mansion look like a tiny room the way he filled it), Jasper grabbed me and ran me outside but I broke free. As I ran back to the house Emmett knocked me to the ground. I got back up I need the wolf. Then they both took one arm and through me across the river. Now that I was farther from the house I could think more clearly. I had to let them win, I couldn't kill anyone that not who I am. I thought about how bad I felt about kill the bear, and this was a person with a mom and dad. People who would be sad and worse for the Cullens angry if he were died. I let Emmett carry me deep into the woods. We got to a little field.

"I guess we didn't do enough hunting today, I mean if Jacob smelled good to you." Emmett thought this was funny so it must not be that serous either that or Emmett had a weird sense of humor.

"Both" Edward said coming up behind us, "Hunt then come back to the house we have to talk about your _accident" _Then he when back to the house.

I hunt a dear it tasted worse then the bear. I was in a rush finally I could find out what was happing in the real world.


	6. News

Chapter 6 News

When we got back to the house Edward, Bella, and Jacob where gone. They must be having their talk.

"OK so what happened after I got hit by the car, where does my family think I am, and what happened to the baster that hit me?"

"Edward took you to his car and drove you here Bella followed the car that hit you back to his house. She over heard him on the phone it seems that you where not hit by accident. Do you know anyone named Clay?" Carlisle said.

I gasped. CLAY. The name sent fear and rage thought my whole body. I started hyperventilating I couldn't breathe (oh course I didn't need too). I felt dizzy and was not in control of my body. I realized this when all the Cullens where staring at me and I realized I was growling.

"Friend of yours then?" Emmett added

I was to out of it to answer. I just shock my head from left to right mechanically. Tears filled my eyes but would no spill out. Clay was the reason I was in Seattle. I meet him when I was 18. He was so handsome and smart and rich. Clay is the person who Jacob remained me of they have the same beautiful completion and build.

"Clay is my ex-boyfriend, he been stalking me since we broke up, did he…did he hit me"

"Not exactly, he paid someone to, why would he want to do that?"

"Clay and me were in love, my first love. He was older and rich and smart and really sweet at first. He made me feel amazing, you know warm all over. Things were great for the first few months. Then he wanted to spend more and more time with me and that was great I could never get sick of being with him. Then he wanted me to ditch my friends to be with him and I did. I felt bad but I want Clay to be happy. It was my whole world make Clay happy and I thought he felt the same. He bought me nice gifts and had romantic surprises.  
Then he want me to spend less time with my family that was harder but I cut back my time with themonly see them before I went to sleep. One day he and I were watching my sister's kids and he got angry that I was spending the whole night playing with them 'hey why did I come if you're going to spend every minute hover over the kids. Let them play with each other and we can play with each other'  
Thing kept going just like that for a year then he asked me to move in and I did. Clay just got more possessive. I should have been smart and saw the sighs but I didn't. One day…."  
This part of the story was always hard to get through. I had to gather my thought before I finished the story that apparently leads to my death.  
"One day I was out with my friend Ben and my sister Cam the three of us went out to a few party. I was a little drunk when I got home. He asks who I was out with when he found out I was with a guy he called me a whore. He said I was cheating that I was breaking his heart. I didn't want to hurt him that was the last thing I want to do so I stopped going out. That wasn't the last time he talked to me like that. When ever I did something wrong, said something to hurt him he would loss his mind. He started doing this almost every day. I know now that he was testing how much he could get away with and killing my self-esteem so I would never leave him. Before Clay I was so confident but having the person you care about most in the world call you names like stupid, dumb, whore, and so much worse it really take a toll. I never fought back because he made me fell like he was the victim I had hurt him so how could I yell at him for saying thing I was starting to believe were true.

One day I burned dinner and he really lost it after his verbal attack it turned physical. He…he slapped me and knocked me to the ground. He stared saying sorry right away but it wasn't enough I ran out of the house got in my car and drove to my sister Ellen's house she wasn't there so I let myself in. When I got in the house I let everything out I started crying and screaming. All I could think was what I had done to make Clay act that way. How sick is that, I blamed myself. When she got home I told her that Clay and I had gotten in an argument I didn't tell her that he hit me just that we had fought. Didn't want her to hate him. He didn't leave a mark when he hit me. I stayed with her for a few days and the whole time I was there Clay sent me more of his gift and notes. He said he would go to see someone and that he never want to hurt me again and that he hated himself. I when back to him because I thought I loved him that I needed him. I told myself everyone deserves a second chance.

Thing where good again for a while at least. Then he stopped see his therapist and went back to his old ways. I don't remember what made him go off the next time something small, so small I don't remember. He hit me again this time he didn't stop when I was on the ground he kicked me. That left marks. I went to my sister house this time for good. I told her what happened and she told me to go to the cops. But I couldn't I didn't want his to go to jail I just need him out of my life. I sold all his gift and gave the money to a charity that helps other victims of domestic abuse. I moved back in with my mom and dad but I didn't tell them what happened with me and Clay. This time not for him but for me. I didn't want them to think less of me. He kept calling and writing and sending gift. I through out the flowers and never read his cards.

I never really went back to normal I was so flinchy now. I always had nightmares so I went to see my own therapist now. About two months ago he started showing up at my house and job. I told him that I was done that he needs to move on and get help. I came to Seattle to get away from him. He called me about a week ago and I told him if he didn't leave me alone I would go to the cops. My sister took picture the night I was at her house. I guess he knew I meant it."

Clay had me killed so I could go to the police. He made it look like a hit and run so he would be a suspect. Did my family think I was dead? I looked at the horror struck face of the Cullens. I think I would have to wait for them to take in my story before I could get my answers.

"I'm sorry that that happened to you", Esme said in comforting tone.

"Thanks, I guess. Well at least I fit in with all of you now"

"How so?" Carlisle asked.

"A hit and run is terrible but not quite as tragic as the person you love more than anything more then your self paying someone to kill you."

"Did you still love him" Alice adds in her wind chime voice.

"I still love who he was. The old Clay the sweet one, who took care of me and I always will. But that is a memory I love not the man. It took me a long time to find that out."I stilled didn't know anything about my family so I went to the TV. It was all ready on CNN. The top story "College student missing, Police have no leads" and above the headline was my family was holding a press confrere bagging for my safe return.

It was a long time before I could speak. When I looked around the room I could see that Bella and Edward were back.

"How much do the police know, were there any witnesses, what happened to all the blood on the street, what do Clay and the hit man think?...." I asked so many questions I lost track until all my word turned into a jumbled mess.

"I washed the blood off the street before I followed the car, there were no witnesses, the police don't know anything, and the ones that killed you the think someone hit your body when you where already dead. They think that person panicked and hide your body. They have no idea that you're still alive" as Bella spoke all I could think was how I wasn't really alive.

"Can I call my family please? If the police have no lead I can say I just ran away that I didn't want to put them in any danger" I pleaded. I hated seeing then scared like that. "Or can I make a tip to the cops, something."

"If you go to the police than they will know that you're 'Dead'. They would look for blood on the street and you lost so much they would assume that you wouldn't survive. Then you would never be able to contact your family." Carlisle told me. So there was hope maybe someday I could see my family.

"OK but we can't let them get away with killing me."

"Don't worry we will find a way to get justice with out anyone know what they did, but for now your family has to think your missing"


	7. Christmas

Just a side note I am not Christian so I have never celebrated Christmas before it was really hard for me to write this but Stephanie Meyer never really talk much about holidays so I wanted to write something about The Cullen's Christmas.

Chapter 7 Christmas

The whole house smelled like a pine tree. It covered the werewolf smell pretty well. This was my first Christmas away from my family and my first Christmas as a vampire. I asked Alice if we were even allowed in a church and she just laugh and said "Of course, getting stuck by lightning doesn't hurt." I found out later she was just being sarcastic. This new world made me really gullible if one day someone came up to me and told me I had to hide from evil leprechauns I would.

It was Christmas Eve and my family was back in Mass. eating a turkey, and watching _It's a Beautiful Life _on TV. I was here missing them. It was late and Nesse already when to sleep. She was the only one who slept and in the morning she would wake up to a house full of presents (much more present then the average kid). I could see over the last few weeks how the really were a family, a really happy family on top of that. After they put Renesmee to sleep Edward and Bella started take out all her gives and putting them under the massive pine tree that if it were in any other house would have taken all the room up. Alice had picked it out herself. She decorated the entire house as if it was Santa workshop. There was red and green everywhere. Little touches of holly and mistletoe all over the place.

Beside the pine smell the house smelled like food for the first time since I been here. Bella's parents had been here alone with here step brother and sister, and of course Jacob. It was the first time seeing him since my almost attack, I use the term see very loosely we were maybe a football field away from each other. I was coming back from hunting and he was going into the house. I want to apologies but they asked me to stay it the cabin until all human and werewolves had left the house. At first I was really lonely but every few hour someone would stop by and hang out with me. I guessed that that was one of the perks of such a big family. When Carlisle came by I asked him what they thought that everyone was doing when they came out here, he just told me "Charlie stopped asking questions years ago."

After they all left and I was allowed back inside Bella apologized for a good five minutes before I told her it was OK. And it was OK I got to know each of the Cullens better. I went up to my room and started thinking about my past and my future. "Amada can you come down stairs".

I hadn't even notice that it was morning yet. I saw wrapping paper spread all over the floor, like a little hurricane had just hit.

"So, Renesmee open her presents."

"Yes she really seemed to like them all, and now it your turn." Esme said as she moved too reveal a big box behind her.

"What do you mean?" why was she giving me a present.

"Well, we thought that this would be a really difficult time for you so we have just a few gifts for you." She gave me the sweetest smile.

"Thank you Esme you didn't have to."

I walk the big box, and unwrapped the paper slowly. Inside the box was an acoustic guitar.

"How did you know I played, I never said anything…wait Edward." I guess his whole mind reading thing did come in handy because until this point it had just been really annoying. I really missed play my guitar and writing my music. And this was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It was painted yellow (my favorite color) and had this amazing art work that had my name.

"Thank you it's amazing." And I meant it. Then Bella walked up to me very carefully and handed me a DVD it wasn't marked it just had a little bow on it.

"I did know what to get you so I just put myself in your shoe, I cant give you your family back but I can help you miss them a little less. " She walked to the TV and played the DVD.

It was my family they were shopping at our local mall. They where shopping and laughing. My sisters where walking arm and arm my nephews, Bronson and Alex were in a race. As I watched them shop I felt like I was there, I couldn't hear what they were saying but it seemed like happy thing. Then they met our mom at the food court and she was smiling too. I was so rapped up in the tape that when it ended I was lost in thoughts. They could be happy; they could have a nice Christmas. I felt lighter like seeing them smile let this huge weight off my shoulder.

"How d-d-did you do this?" I was so close to speechless the words were barely a whisper.

"I went to Lowell when I said I was going to see my mom. I just want you to see your family happy, I know it hard for you too see them on TV, and I just wanted you to know that they will be ok. They have each other."

"Thank you Bella this is best gift I have ever got."


	8. Time

Chapter 8 Time

It had been two months since I disappeared. The wolves had given us three months to get our new lives started somewhere far away from here. I think they gave us so much time because of Jacob. He had imprinted on Renesmee, a three year old (who looked ten thanks to her rapid growth). The whole idea still freaks me out a little, and I guess that is why they didn't want to tell me. I only found out because I could tell that they were really close and I kept wonder why one day Edward just let it slip. It all sounded fine till they got to the part that when she was old enough that they would fall in love. I still cringe thinking about it. How can you watch a kid grow up, protect them and love them then when they are old enough date them, the whole thing sound wrong. It only got weirder when Alice told me Bella and Jacob used to be in love.

I spent most of the first month of my new life grieving my own death. I watch the news all the time see if the police had any news on my disappearance. I kept hoping that they would find the truth and put my killers to justice but pray that that they wouldn't so I could talk to my family someday. Bella's father Charlie was the local sheriff so when ever he and his wife Sue came to visit I would have to hide out in case he recognized me. As I watch the news I saw less and less about my story. America was forgetting me but my family wasn't. Whenever I saw my mother on TV she looked more and more tried like she hadn't sleep since I was gone. If I ever found a way to get Clay and his hitman in jail without them confessing to my murder, if I could find someway to communicate with them so they wouldn't think it was sick joke (I could only write them an email or regular mail. Not telephone and no face to face) how could I explain putting them through all this pain?

Whenever I wasn't worrying about my family I was trying to find out if I had an ability. I couldn't run the fastest, and I couldn't read mind or see the future or any of the power that they did but I kept trying. One day I jumped off the roof to see if I could fly, I couldn't.

I was really starting to like_ some_ of the Cullens. Alice really was a lot like Cam they both loved fashion, were really bubble, and super annoying. Emmett was cool to he was really funny, he had a weird kind of humor like I noticed before. Esme was really great too, she was so sweet to me, and she always watch the news with me and held my hand when ever I need her. When I finally got to meet Renesmee after 3 weeks and pasting the Jacob test (I had to be able to smell him with out trying to eat him)I found that I really like her. She would show me memories of life before I got here. It put picture to the stories I had all ready hear. Stories about the big almost battle that help the wolves and the Cullens get even closer then they where. Everyone kept say that they where natural enemies but the relation ship seemed pretty civil to me. More then civil in some case friend and even family. Bella and her step brother Seth seemed really close to me even thought he was a wolf. I didn't have any prejudice against the wolves so Carlisle said that it must be a learned behavior not inherited.

All of the Cullen where couples, Alice and Jasper, Bella and Edward, Rosalie and Emmet, Esme and Carlisle. I was alone a lot. I tried hanging out with Nesse and Jacob but I couldn't be near them for too long, Whenever I felt like I may be loss control I would leave and it happened a lot. Even when I did try to hang with them Jacob would be so annoying. He always sat between me and Nesse and he never really let his guard down. He was always kind of tense. It wouldn't have bothered me so much but I was the only one he treated like that, the only one he didn't trust. Nesse was so sweet to me and she never seemed scared . When Seth came over he was really nice to me too, he would ask me about my old life. I spent a lot of time testing my new abilities seeing how fast I could run, which was really fast I beat everyone but Edward. I would see how much stuff I could carry and never found any thing that felt even a little heavy. One day I try to pick up a car and it was like nothing then I had Emmett sit on the car still nothing.

I spent most of my day in my room, Edwards's old room. He moved most of his thing out just leave a black love seat, a huge white and gold bed and an expensive stereo. After my first two days with the Cullen Alice and Bella went shopping for me, when they left Emmett told me Bella went to keep Alice in check. I still wasn't ready to be near humans so they asked me for my sized and to name so book and movie and music I like so I could fill me new room with things I liked. I thought that they would just get me a few top and some jeans (because I NEVER left the house except to hunt) but when they came back I saw what Emmett meant they bought me a whole new wardrobe and then some. Everything was designer and they didn't just get shirt and jeans Alice came back with what I could only assume was an entire department store. She had so many shoe maybe 12 pairs of shoes all heels. There were a few dress that look like the kind someone would wear on a red carpet, I didn't know much about Forks but from what I have heard even if I can ever go out in public I didn't think I would blend in very well wearing them . Some of the dress where more appropriate, they were more like cock tail dresses. There were some really nice tops and pants, not many jeans. They also got me jewelry really expensive jewelry, there were diamonds and gold and silver everywhere, I knew I would never wear any of them. One necklace did stand out to me it was a little gold heart on a thin chain, it look like the one I used to have when I was human me and my sister all had one it was from our parents. Our were not real gold like this one and did have the little diamonds around it outline but I was close enough. I took the necklace and put it on right away, I wasn't wearing mine when I was killed so I asked them how they knew. Bella told me that Edward saw me thinking about it. I didn't know what to do but tell him thank you. After they finished showing me all my new clothes, shoes, handbags, and accessories, Bella showed me the books and movie from my list everyone plus one I had never hear of that she thought I'd like. Just when I thought that there couldn't be any more Alice pulled out a new laptop, IPod, and IPhone (the people at Apple must have been very happy). All my music was on it and again more things I had never hear of but soon loved. The bill for their little shopping must have been well into the ten thousands. I wonder if they where tying to buy my love.

I tried to keep my mind off of Clay but it was hard I felt so angry every time I thought of him that I had to act out physically. I would literally get up from whatever I was doing and run to try and find him, every part of me want him dead. They would always stop me and Jasper would calm me down. I didn't understand why I could control my own anger but Carlisle explain that it was because I was "still so young". I couldn't wait to get pass this whole newborn thing.


	9. Backstabbed

Chapter 9 Backstabbed

Day by day we got closer to our deadline and with every day that past I could see how hard this was for everyone. Bella was so happy most of the time but every time her father left she looked drain emotionally. They were not telling him about the move. I think it was hardiest for Jacob. He was trying to stay positive in front of Nesse but when she left the room his face just fell into this frown that was just heartbreaking. One day the most family went on a road trip to Astoria, Oregon. The pack said it wasn't far enough but Bella thought she could change their minds. They said that it had to be far enough away that running back here wasn't an option and once we left we could never return to Forks. Everyone went but me, Jasper and Edward. When Jasper went hunting, Edward made a phone call that was really strange." Yes, come now" is all he said. About ten minutes later there was someone at the door. The second they walked in I knew that they were werewolves. All three had the same strong pulsing smell as Jacob and Seth and the same beautiful tan skin (turns out all the werewolves are Quileute, it genetic). I held my breath because I still need to hunt I should have gone with Jasper but I want to stay and finish the last few chapters in this book that Bella gave me. I could read much faster as a vampire but I still read at a human pace out of habit.

"Amanda this is Sam the Alpha of the other pack and this is Paul and Jared." He pointed them out one by one. The one named Paul seemed really happy to meet me. I just nodded and waved. "Amanda they would like to speak to you" Edward voice sounded strained. I looked at his face and it was a mix of sadness and guilt he look away when our eyes met. I knew instantly what was going on. I thought about running but I remembered Jacob saying that his kind was faster and if they caught me they would attack. So I begged for mercy.

"Please don't do this. I'm a person. Please, I don't want to die. I have never hurt anyone, not even close. I… I just want to live and see my mom one more time tell her I love her. Please….please I'm not a monster I still a person I want to live." As I said the words I knew they were true. I wasn't a monster and I was still me, Amanda. And I want to live.

"This isn't personal you cannot be trusted, we know this is not your fault but Edward came to us with this options. One that is best for everyone. If you are gone them may-be thing can go back to the way thing where" Sam was trying to make me feel like a martyr like me death would really be best for everyone.

"You still can't trust them. Bella bit me she could do it again. Any of them could. Killing me isn't doing your job. Make the Cullens move or the people here will never be safe. Let me live and move on. There is a reason Edward is the only one hear no one else knows"

"Is this true, Edward" Sam seemed surprised.

"They don't know but that is only because it is too difficult for them to sacrifice."

"We talked about this, whatever you choose it must be a solution your family agrees on. That is the only way for this to work"

When they started arguing I ran. I ran so fast that I shattered the glass wall as I exited through the southern door. I didn't look back but I knew the wolves were not following me, because I didn't smell them. A huge part of me wants to run back to the house and ripe Edward face off but a much bigger part want to live. How could he betray me I never did anything wrong. I ran through the forest for a long time but got nervous as I got close to the city, I didn't know what city or how far I had run or even what direction.

I knew I couldn't go into the city. I didn't think I could control myself and if I killed anyone I knew the pack would hunt me down no matter how far I go. I looked everywhere for a sigh. I ran to where I could hear lots of cars, a highway.

The sign said that this was the 101 and that Seattle was 30 miles away. I could see everything so clearly. I saw people for the first time in months I saw real regular people. I don't know where to run, where I can be away for people. The Cullen had given me a home and made me feel safe like everything could be ok but it wasn't ok. None of them cared about me I bet they are happy I'm gone. I didn't really believe that Edward had done this behind his families back I just said that to distract the wolves. I thought of the big white house by the river and the people who had cast me out. Then out of know where I was back at the house right in the living room. I was not there physically but I could see the room hear their voice as if I was with them.

"Alice can you see anything", Bella sounded worried.

"No, she has made up her mind, she is almost certainly confused." Alice sounded worried to. Where they talking about me?

"Of course she is confuse she doesn't know the area and she probably terrified" Esme looked on the verge of tears. Carlisle walked over to her and hugged her.

"We will find Amanda. Don't worry my love." He comforted her.

"We have too, that it we can't try we just have too." Bella had so much guilt on her face.

"Bella this is not your fault and we will find her. I just hope it is in time." Alice looked at Edward "You just had to pull something like this. Bella and Nesse said they were fine with moving. We were going to fly Charlie out so often he would get sick of us. Even Jacob was trying to work out some sort of long distance plan for his pack. But you, you had to try and fix thing. Edward you must have understood that this was wrong so where in that twisted head of your."

"Say what you want Alice but this whole move was a stupid idea, even if we left Forks that wouldn't fix anything. Amanda is a newborn our family is too large as it is with her trust, you heard Charlie the rangers were getting suspicious of populations of animals. If they ask to many questions, or start an investigation the Volturri will use that as an excuse to attack. It was her lives or ours and I will not loss my family." His face was hard as stone.

"We would have thought of something else, we could have tried talking to Tanya again. Edward you have to stop being so over protective. We can hold our own against them when have done it before." Bella put her hand on his cheek.

"That is why we can't take any chances. We are public enemy number one to them." He look all around at all their faces.


	10. Guardian

Chapter 10 Guardian

I was sucked back into reality then. After a spite second of loss concentration the window I had disappeared. I was back in the wood back on the top of the tall tree. They where looking for me to help me? Or hand me over to Sam? Would they find me? It would be only to ease for them to follow my scent. Why didn't they? How did I get that link that connection that brought me back to the house with out me really being there? I wasn't something the other ever talked about. It must be an extra, my ability, I'm a spy hurray.

Ok so how can I control it? I was thinking about the Cullens and how the hurt me so then I thought of the rest who were not in the big living room. Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and Renesmee. Nothing happened, ok so it not just thinking about them so I thought of where they were, Nothing. Ok I thought very loudly in my head what are they doing and POW I saw two different scenes. One was the cabin, Bella and Edwards cabin, Jacob and Renesmee were playing a card game on the floor he was try to cheering her up. I want to tell her I would miss her to, it was only now I saw how much. The other scene was much more freighting the three of them were running in the forest, looking for me was my best guess. They were trying to catch my scent. I was pull back again and just like before there was no sigh that they knew I was watching them.

Why did I have this ability? I had never been very sneaky and I never spied on people. Once I found my sister diary and I didn't read it. She would tell me what I need to know and anything she didn't was her business. I value my privacy much too much to try and steal others. So why? I could worry about that now. I could see people with out really big with them and for the first time I thought about what that meant for me in the long term. My survival instincts told me to worry about the wolves keep an eye on what they were doing but I didn't. I just thought as hard as I could WHAT IS MOM DOING. But nothing came I did again and again but nothing tried some many way.

I didn't stop till I smell it. A werewolf. What could I do? I was only one I could fight it and try to escape. For a second I was so depressed about not seeing my family I thought just for a second about just surrendering. But that pass, I would just have to practice, if I lived.

I jumped down off the tree and landed on it's back. I put both arms around it neck and just as I was about to bite I realized something. I knew this wolf.

"Seth," I asked breathlessly "is that you"

He nodded his massive head up and down.

"Are you here to hurt me?"

He moved his head from right to left.

I'm not really sure why but I trusted him. So I got off his back. This had been like lying on top of an open flame. Despite the weird trust I still stood in a defensive stance.

"Do you mind turning back into a guy?"

He tilted his head to one side. Oh how cute he was modest. I didn't want to turn my back on his so I just covered my eyes which didn't feel all to smart either. Out of nowhere there was a weird shift in the air and then what I can only describe as ripples. Then Seth's voice.

"Why are you out here and why did you just try and kill me?" surprisingly he didn't sound mad just really confused.

"I left the Cullen what are you doing out here?" if he wasn't looking for me why was he so far away from home, the wolves don't patrol this far.

"I'm going on a date," he was blushing just a little (it mad me hungry), "I thought it would be faster to run with the traffic and all. But why did you leave you seemed…happier?"

I really looked at him then he did look really nice he had dark denim pants and a dark brown button up that was undone. They where a little dirty though but the dark colors hide the stains well I'm not sure human eyes would notice.

"How are you going to explain that you got here on foot, and why are you guys going all the way to Seattle for a date any way?" I really didn't want to talk about me. I just need Seth help, and maybe a little small talk will make him more willing to help.

"She lives in Seattle and I'm just going to say that I drove, but you didn't answer my question why are you leaving? Don't you know how hard it's going to be for you if you leave?"

"I know Seth but I have to go." _And fast _I add to myself. "See I have a plan on going to go live in the wood, or the jungle, or the tundra just somewhere were there are no people. But I need like a map, a big world map so I know what cities to avoid. So I need your help? I need you to go into a book store and buy me an atlas. Can you do that for me?"

"Sure" then he was off. My guess is as soon as he was out of sight he changed back into a wolf because I felt the same strange shift in the air only not as strong.

After a while I started too watched jealously as he moved easily through the store. I wish I could do that just be near people I already felt isolated in this new life. I checked back on Sam who was of course still a wolf. But now he was alone running through the woods.  
"Ooh god!" my voice cracked.  
I wasn't really familiar with the area he was running through so I hope with my whole heart he was heading in the wrong direction. I was getting really scared when Seth finally showed up. He handed me the atlas and some magazines.  
"I thought you might get bored."  
"Thanks that's really sweet, I gotta get going"  
"What are you going to do?"  
"I think I'm going steal a car maybe from a dealership, something low key."  
"Sounds good but I think you should go for a garage you know the kind with long term storage, maybe it well be awhile before they know."  
"That a good idea, thanks"  
But what was I going to do about the Cullen. When I finally pick a location Alice will see, then she'll track me down try and make me come back. No way that going to happen. I wish I could just be invisible, just make it so Alice couldn't see me like…  
"Hey Seth you feel like going on a road trip?" I flashed him the biggest smile.


	11. Company

Chapther 11 Company

He raised one eyebrow, "Really?"  
"Yah man with you their Alice can't see what I'm doing, it's perfect and I swear I don't even want to bite you. I'm so in that whole werewolf are not food they just smell bad phase. I just have to hunt when we get some distance. you could quite literally be saving my life. Please" I started think of more thing to add for when he said no, new way to beg but it wasn't necessary.  
"Sure anything to help."  
Now it my turn to be shocked "Really?" turning his question around on him.  
"Yah, I should have thought of it myself. I mean no offence but it not really a good idea for you to be out in the world, especially alone. I can keep an eye on you and help you at gas station and stuff like that. And I can keep a secret . I won't tell unless Jake make me but he hasn't done that before so no worries."  
"OK let go. And quick I think Sam got my scent."

We steal an old blue green Nissan Altima it was maybe 1995 and look like no one had drove it months. About two hours outside Washington me and Seth when for a walk at a human pace of course. It was the middle of that day so the local state park was full. I didn't breath and Seth made sure we weren't close enough for me to feel them, their warmth, and their pulse. If I did I would loss it. He had his arms around me so if I tried to run he could stop me. It was like being tortured. He was so hot it hurt. My body felt like it was on fire. To anyone looking, we were a beautiful couple out on a romantic stroll. I must of just look shy girl trying not to make eye contact. . I tried not look at anyone but I had too. I missed so much about being human. I watch people play games and eat their picnics. It was a nice day, cloudy but no rain. When we were way off the trail Seth when hunting for me there was no way I could do it.

He brought me a small deer and then left to find another. He brought me a buck and left again this time to make sure no one got to close but we both knew it was for his own safety. We made are way back to the car same as before a "romantic" walk. When we got back to the car I just felt proud of myself.

"I didn't kill anyone, I didn't even try." I was beaming.  
"That's really great, I mean it but where are we going?"  
"East, I think it time to go home."  
"Home?" he sound so confused it was so cute.  
"Home, Lowell"

I turned on the radio and I sang along. I loved that I was finally a good singer.

"I want you ugly, I want your disease

I want your everything as long as its free

I want your love, love, love, love

I want your love"

"What is that?" he seemed confused again

"Lady Gaga, man I been locked up like a prisoner and I know who she is. How often do you get out?"

"Almost …well not a lot to be honest I'm always in school or running patrols. I don't really have a ton of time to listen to this…. stuff."

"It will grew on you just watch."

Thing just went along like that for a while. Me sing along and Seth asking what it was that I was sing.

"How come you know all the words to like every song, is it that whole vampire memory thing?"

"No it's an Amanda thing. I love music always have. I knew all the song on the radio before my super memory."

"Yah Jake said that you write music right?"

"I did." I hadn't written anything since before thing when bad with Clay.

"Why did you start, writing music I mean."

"Well when I was in middle school I use to write poems. I didn't really like it but I was good, once I got published. Anyway I stopped in high school. One day my friends noticed that I sang along to the radio just like you did and that then it hit me. I could write music. I loved music and I was a good poet and there pretty similar. So I start write my own lyrics just pen to paper. My plan was to sell the lyric for other people to sing, because I sucked. Then I realized I want to play me song so I saved up bought a guitar and learned how to play. My new plan was to join a band and write for us, but that not going to happen now." I waited but he didn't say anything. If I had told this story to Alice or any of her family I would have gotten looks of pity. Seth just looked thoughtful like he was thinking of his own plans, like he didn't like his plan.

"Hey you wanna drive, this baby drive like a Lexus or some other equally impressive car" he need a distraction.

"Sure." I pulled over and it was nice to have some fresh air. Even with all the windows rolled down the smell was impossible strong. I knew he was thinking the same thing. He was taking slow step to his side of the car. Neither of us was in a rush to go back inside the cramped space.


	12. Truth

**Chapter 12 Truth**

"**What really happened , I know you didn't want to leave for nothing Jake told me some of it but I want the whole story. Why are you on the lamb?"**

**I told him the whole story and he look discussed I'm so sorry is all he said.**

"**Can I ask you something?", I interrupted the awkward silences.**

"**Sure, shoot."**

"**Why didn't Jacob make you come back, you know when you were a wolf or make you tell him where we were?", I didn't understand way they wouldn't use a opportunity?**

"**Umm he kind of tried" he stopped.**

"**And?" Was he really going to leave me hanging, was he driving me into a trap? I start to feel the anger growing in me and with no Jasper I didn't really know how to manage it. Just when I was about to lose it he finished his sentence.**

"**And I changed his mind, see he was all Seth 'your still alive, great. Now get your furry butt back here' and I was like, 'I can't just leave her alone. She could lose control, nobody wants that' no offence" he pause and I nodded then he was off again more animated now, "So then he said that they would come to us, and I told him it wasn't a good idea. I mean you shouldn't go back to Forks, now that your not under the Cullen protecting the treaty doesn't cover you and Sam may see you as to much of a threat if you go back."**

"**So that it he just backed off?" this didn't make sense, Jacob was way protective and he just going to let one of his pack run off with …let face it a killing machine.**

"**Not exactly, I kind of help his see the positives of you leaving and how it better if I made sure that things don't go wrong."**

"**What exactly are the positives of me leaving?" I felt the anger building again but not as intense. This was just me being offended not the rage of betrayal.**

"**I don't mean it like that, it just better for Jacob, see with you gone Nesse is safer. Then there something else. See I kind of jumped on this trip for a few reason. Umm see I've never left Washington and Jake, he get that, that I wanna do something on my own. Not really on my own but just see the country, and do something different then just running around the forest. So he said to watch my back and come home soon."**

"**He really trusts you." I knew it was trust because it was either that or indifference and I could see that wasn't the case.**

"**Yah I guess he does."**

**We drove a few more miles before we made a stop. Then Seth need to eat so we took the next exit. He drove around till he found an empty lot. Then I climbed into the truck. He made a few jokes about how I was the worlds most cooperative hostage ever. I just told him I had lots of practice. He went to the nearest drive through and let me out as soon as there were no cars around. When I got back to the passenger seat he was half way done with the massive amount of fast food he bought. It made scene for him to eat so much he was huge and starving. The car smelled like France fries, it was a nice break from the wolf smell I had been choking on for hour. I loved France fries when I was human. I picked one up and at it. It didn't taste like anything, it was like chewing air. I looked over at Seth who's mouth was hanging open.**

"**What, I want to try. I loved fries." or was he just mad because I didn't ask?**

"**So do you still love 'em?" he couldn't help but laughed. **

"**No, it doesn't taste like anything. I wish it was that easy. Eat a France fry be normal.**

**Just then we both here the sirens. **

"**Oh shit!!!!", they want use to pull over. We could both here that the officer only want to tell us our tail light was out. **

"**I'm gonna pull over." he sounded nerves but not as nerves as he should.**

"**You can't. …I can't, I'm not ready Seth. I can't be that close to a human." my voice crack. **

**This was bad. Even if I didn't kill this cop, Seth would have to phase to stop me and the dash cam would catch it. If I did kill him nothing could stop me I would try and kill Seth and God knows how many other people. Even it I can control myself which didn't seem likely he would arrest us. I have no ID and might be recognized. Some many other things could go wrong. I start to hyperventilate. **

"**Your fine, your stronger than you think. I know you can do this just calm down. If we act casual we can drive off no problem." he seemed more confident then before.**

**I started to breath slowly through my nose, taking deep breaths.**

"**OK your right."**

"**Can you say that again, I don't hear it as much as I sound."**

"**Your right, now pull over." I took in a last breath.**

**The cop was tall. Not werewolf tall but maybe 6' 1"He wasn't old maybe in his early thirties and he had dark brown skin like mine. I notice all this while he was getting out of his car. It was surprising how slow he moved compared to my scenes. Officer Smith his name tag said. He got close to the car and Seth grabbed my hand. Maybe for moral support or for some kind of control. I felt Seth pulse it just made me more thirsty. His plan was back firing. His fire had where a distraction. Just like ever time he touched me my instincts when into self preservation mode. Everyone of my cells prepared for his sneak attack.**

"**Do you kids know why I pulled you over?" the heat that came off of him was eclipsed but Seth's massive body. The same with his pulse I could hear it and but it was blocked but the stronger pulse pushing against my wrist. This was working, until I really heard his pulse, heard the blood pumping through his veins. My mouth watered, and my muscles tightened. I started shacking.**

"**No officer, I don't." he sounded really polite.**

"**You got a busted tail light." he started writing on his pad.**

"**Sorry, sir. I'll take care of that as soon as I get home." the sound of there voice where blurred by his strong pulse. I closed my eyes and thought of happy memories. Not human memories those where to fuzzy. When I thought of playing my new guitar. I wish I had it.**

"**Make sure you do, by the way where are you heading?" he must have seen how tense. I opened my eyes and smiled at him. I hoped it didn't look to creepy. The way he looked back at me, creepy was the last thing on his mind.**

"**Montana, heading there for a funeral." Seth was a good actor. He seemed heartbroken.**

"**Sorry for your loss, here a warning."**

"**Thank you officer." He let us drive off.**


	13. Covers

Author's Note: Ok I know a lot people are not reading my story but thanks to all of you who are mostly the people leave the review. You will never know how happy it make me to read them. Also I'm on winter break now so I'm going to be writing a lot more.

Chapter 13 Covers

I didn't breathe again tell the cop was out of sight. Seth pulled over and I jumped out of the car before it stopped. I was in so much pain. I blocked it out when I was in the car focusing on everything but the unnatural burn. I screamed. People started to stare from their cars and Seth ran to my side. He put his burning arms around me which made it worse.

"Stop!!" I shriek. I hated treating him like this, he was just trying to help. "Sorry, I'm sorry" he let me go.

"Come back in the car" he sounded apologetic.

I nodded and walked back to the passenger seat. I took in a few deep breathes and then sat down. As we drove I stuck my face out the window which was again a bad idea. Because I start to smell thing food and flower and I knew if I kept my head out of the window I would smell people. I pulled my face back in the car and was thankful for the stinky boy next to me.

"You did great. Really, you showed be proud." he sound impressed.

"I would be proud… if ever part of me didn't want go back." the word came through me teeth they were tense. Every part of me was tense. My muscles were shacking because I had them locked. I wasn't going to move one centimeter. I didn't have the control I should and the last thing I want to do is hurt any especially Seth.

He turned up the radio. I focus on the music. I didn't sing but I felt better. After a couple of mile we switched. I drove and he fell asleep in the back seat. I felt bad for Seth he was way to tall to be comfortable back there but he was snoring. I took the next exit. I pulled into the first motel I saw.

"Seth get up" I said softly. He didn't wake up. Louder this time "Seth come on."

"What? What happened were are?" He was still have asleep.

"Anacorda, Montana. More specifically the Starlight Motel." I said then point to the sigh.

"Sounds fancy." Then he smiled. Seth had such a pretty smile, his big cheeks pulled back to reveal his bright teeth.

"Yah, now go check us in." I handed his 80 buck, because their was no way it cost more then that. This place was a dump. As he left I counted the money I had left, only 256 dollars. When he checked in he came back to get me and just like at the park he wrapped his arm are me and into the room. The walls were a pale blue and the curtains and bed spread were cream and brown. It would have look nice if it wasn't for all the stains. Gross I didn't want to go there. Seth eyes must have been as good as mine because he shutter at the sight of that bed.

"Gross." he stuck out his tongue.

"Sorry, I thought it would be better then the car."

"It will be". Then he left. When he came back he had fresh bed covers in his hands.

"Where did you get those?" did he run to a store that quick.

"I when to the front desk. I told him that this was a special night. You know man to man." he was so smug.

"Nice"

He made the bed and crashed pretty soon after. As he slept I decided to check on the Cullens and the pack or packs. Seth was never clear on where Jacob stood on the man hunt that was now my life.

I started with the biggest threat, Sam. He was a human, and he was in bed holding this woman. She was really pretty but she had the worst scars going down her face. It was only to obvious how she got them. They were awake.

"Just sleep, baby he'll be fine." she sound tried.

"I just don't get how Jake can be this stupid. Seth's in real danger and he's not doing anything," the anger was clear in his voice and his arms started to shack. He jumped out of the bed. He was only in his boxers.

"You have to trust him. Jacob is a smart guy and if he thinks Seth can handle this, then he can." she patted the bed. "Come on if you don't want to sleep then we can do other thing."

I didn't need to watch anymore. Next were the Cullens. They were all in the living room.


	14. Alone

**Chapter 14 Alone **

"**We can't just do nothing, Amanda is our responsibility." Rosalie sound worried even though we had never really been close.**

"**I understand Rose but she has made her choice and we have to respect her wish, this is not the first time someone we love has left. They came back and maybe she will too" Love. Carlisle loved me. Wow that was surprising but not as surprising as how it made me feel. I was happy, I was really glad that some truly cared about me. And it wasn't just him I knew that Esme felt the same and maybe Alice too.**

"**That wasn't the same. We left to get help and I'm not saying we should track her down and make her live here, I just think that we should talk to her, explain thing that's all." Alice looked more angry then before like she was mad they were giving up.**

"**I think Alice is right we need to keep looking." Bella said quietly from the corner with Edwards arms around her. She could never be mad at him no matter what he did. **

"**Wait. What was that?" Edward look so confused.**

"**That there. It sounds like…no it can't be."**

**Crap. I brought my mind back to the motel room. Seth was still snoring softly. Crap so he could read my mind even if I hundreds of miles away. I wonder if he figured it out. I stood in the same place just thinking. The wolves weren't looking for me. The Cullen weren't looking for me. I was free. Tomorrow I would tell Seth he can go home but I really hope he stays thing will be so much harder without him. **

**After a little while I realized we need a new car. So I ditched the Nissan and stole a red Volvo station wagon it wasn't as old as the last car. As I pulled back into the motel I could hear heartbeats. Fast heartbeats that made my throat burn and my mouth water. I was already holding my breath I didn't know what else to do but run to my room. I could still hear them through the thin walls. They must have just checked in. The pulsing beats were driving me crazy. I felt like I was in the Tell Tale Heart****. Every beat took a piece of my will power, I could feel myself losing control. Then I thought of something. I just told myself that they were drums they were fast, pulsing drums. It helped, I ignored the sound of the…blood and focused on the Lub Tub Lub Tub of two human hearts beating. I start to sing to it make it a song.**

_**No place left to go**_

_**Stuck without a home**_

_**Trapped out in the cold**_

_**Feeling like I'm all alone**_

_**When can I catch a break**_

_**When is it my time**_

**I went till I had a whole song and it felt great. Writing after so long was like jumping into a big cold pool after being in a dessert for weeks. I felt so refreshed and I kept going. I didn't need to write anything down which was nice. I could just let the music flow. After I finished three songs I thought of something, the cop. He was the first human I have met since I been changed. I wonder if I can only see people I meet now, as a vamp. Well it was worth a try. **

**Officer Smith. And out of nowhere ,just as clear as it was anyone else I was used to **_**see, **_**I was in his house. In his bedroom really and he was in bed with a women I could only guess is his wife. They where sleeping. And I could see them. So that how it works if I see them with my new eyes then I can see them when …what the hell was I going to call this ? Windows? Spying? Seeing? Oh how really cares this mean that I can see my family.**

**Seth woke up a little while later. I gave him cash a told his to buy so clothes. I gave him my sizes.**

"**What do you want?" He was still waking up.**

"**Anything on sale, I don't care. One more thing where in the red Volvo now."**

"**OK see you soon." He let out a big yawn.**

**When he got back I would tell his that he could go. I wasn't sure why but I want to check on Sam one more time. He seemed trick. **

**He was in the kitchen feeding a baby. Ahhh I didn't know he had a kid. Well I didn't know much about his at all. **

"**Come on Michelle. Come on eat for daddy." He made a funny sad face ,"You make daddy sad. Come on it not so bad." then he made a rookie mistake, he ate the baby food. **

**He stuck out his tongue and made a face that I can only describe as pure disgust. "Ok…it is that bad." he said through coughs, then he wiped his tongue with a paper towel. His wife came in the room. **

"**Emily, how can we feed her this stuff, it disgusting?" I was right it was disgusted.**

"**That all she can eat now, she to young for real food." She walked to the stove and started cooking eggs. This was to much. Now I felt like a piping tom, like I was messing up their happy little family. **

**When I brought myself back to the dirty motel room I felt more alone then ever. Seth was gone, the heart beats were gone, it was just me. I hated this, being alone it left me to much time to think. I could help but let the scene of Sam and his baby girl make me think of my dad. It hurt to think of him, worse the then other because they all knew I loved them. Did he, did my dad know that I stilled loved him?**


	15. Plans

Chapter 15 Plans

Seth showed up pretty soon after with a bunch of K-mart bags. So had clothes but a good perfect were full of food mostly chips but there was pop tarts, hot pockets, and soda. I didn't know his mom but she probable doesn't want him eating like this. Seth showed me my clothes and they were cute. There were two tee shirts he got for 5.99 one was dark grey with a scale of music with black and silver notes, the other was white and had Jimmy Hendricks picture but he was a rainbow his afro was purple going down to his red feet. There was one more shirt for 7.99 it was plaid and some black skinny jeans. He got himself so nice clothes too.

"You did great. I love these. Where did you learn to shop for a girl?" I asked.

"I don't know how to shop for a girl, I just ask this girl who works there to help me." he look kind of embarrass.

"What are you not telling me?" he was starting to blush, which made me hungry and curious.

"I'm going to talk a shower and then we can go, ok." Then a noticed another bag with tooth paste and brush, and soap.

"That fine." I didn't miss that part of being human. Now didn't sweat or anything. I only had to show after hunting to was the blood off, I was always clean.

After Seth got out the shower we were off. I thought of something then.

"What happened with that girl that you where going to go out with is she pissed at you?" I sound more tense then I wanted, I think it was because asking him this personal may be too much.

"Nothing happen I cancelled when I was buying the atlas, why?" his eyebrows pulled together.

"I was just wondering." I really hope he not going to make this a big deal.

"Oh, hey can I as you something?" He seemed like he had been want to ask something.

"Go ahead." How bad could it be?

"What are we doing when we get to Lowell? Are you going to go home to your family?" he sound careful.

"No, I'm…not seeing them. I'm going to make Clay confess to what he did. It's better they think I'm dead. I can't let them keep worrying and I don't what then to know anything about what I am now, or about this world. It'll help them heal." I could here the sadness in my own voice. This plan wasn't my first choice but it was the one that was best for them.

"You sure?" He sound like he already knew the answer.

"I'm sure." Things were quiet for a while. I was just thinking and I guess he was doing the same. After awhile Seth wanted to "call" his sister he had promised Jacob that he would talk to her. Apparently she was really protective just like my sister. I pulled over when we got to a vacant area. When he got back he look drain and there was something else in his face I couldn't quite read.

"Nice talk?" I tried to so sarcastic but it seem that even as a vampire I still sucked at it.

"No, she just yelled at me the whole time. Leah can be so annoying." Annoyed that was it.

"Sorry to hear that, but don't be mad at her, she just worried." I was a middle child so I knew what it was like to worry and be worried about.

"I knew. She just….so smug." he seemed really annoyed. So I told him a story from my fuzzy human memory about my sister and a horrible prank they pulled on me just to show him that it could be worse.

"Ha Ha are you serous. That great I have to try that on Leah. Thought she would probable phase and bite me." he kept laughing.

"What is your family like?" He asked .

"Their great. Ellen is so amazing ,she so honest she'll tell you the truth when it the last thing you want to hear. She married to Darrel who is the funnies guy I know and they have two kids Alex is 5 and Bronson is 3. They just work so well together . Camilla is my younger sister she look just like me but her hair is long and in thick curls. She happy, she just a happy person. My mom is so silly and she so loving. When she gives you a hug it like you feel all of the love. And my dad is so cool, he so layback I think he were I get it from. I miss him so much. You know before all of this we were fighting? Of course you didn't but we were. He was mad because I wasn't doing good in school and then when I moved in with my boyfriend he just got so mad. I just want his to know that I love him and I'm sorry."

"That ruff I wish I could help." I was just a statement not an offer but that didn't stop me from asking.

"You can help. If you want to?" I said sheepishly.

"How?" He sounded sincere.

"Ok after I make Clay confess and my family knows I'm 'Dead' then you got to Cam tell her you a psychic and I'll be there where she can't see. When she asks you something only I would know I'll whisper to soft for her to hear. She already believes in that stuff so she'll be easy and once she believes maybe everyone else will to. Are you ok with that?" I really hope he was because plan be was writing a note from beyond the grave.

"I can do that, I watched a couple episodes of Ghost Whisperer." He started practicing

"I have a gift, I have a _gift_."


	16. Strength

**Chapter 16 Strength **

**The rest of the drive when along just like that, us talking. We talked about everything life, family, and plans. Seth had a lot of plans for the future. He was attending Peninsula Community College and working hard and by the end of next he was going to transfer to a 4 year university hopefully with a scholarship like his sister. Seth's sister Leah was in the middle of her freshman year at the University of Washington Seattle campus. That how he meet Jamie, the girl he was going on a date with but he didn't say much so I had to ask.**

"**Is she your…imprint, or imprintee or whatever it's called?" I wasn't sure about the vocabulary but he got the idea.**

"**No she isn't, she just a great girl who I really like," then he kind of went off and it didn't seem like he was talking to me anymore, "I don't think that there anything wrong with that. Just some people ,they think that it's everything, that it's all love is but it's not. People have been falling in love for thousands of year and imprinting doesn't make love more real it just makes the feeling and commitment come faster. I've seen love through other people's eyes both people who have and haven't imprinted and there isn't a huge different. You can have true love without that." then he said "Sorry to get all intense, it just that been on my mind a lot you know, why it happens and what it really means?" **

**We stopped at a motel just east of Chicago for the night and the next morning was great too. Seth drove and ate pop tarts and I practice how to not use all my strength. I kind of had a problem back at the house with breaking thing and I couldn't take that chance with a person. I want to scare Clay not kill him. We drove all day and that night I drove while Seth slept. No stop except for gas and bathroom breaks. We made it to Hartford, CT at about 4 am, I was almost home. I woke Seth up I couldn't drive anymore I was shacking. **

**When we got into town I started breathing heavily. I'd been waiting months to come home and now I was here I was driving down the same street I took to go to school, we turned onto the street where I learned to drive, and soon we where on the street where my family still lived. All these thing were the same but they looked different. With my new stronger eyes I could see thing that hadn't been there before. They were the same it was me that was different. I want run out of the car, through the front door and into my mom's arms but I couldn't. We drove past the house and my heart broke. We drove north till we hit the woods. I want to hunt before I had to face the scent of pure human blood. Seth made sure there where no people and then stayed by the car. I found two coyotes tried not to make a mess of myself. When I got back Seth and I practiced my control. It was time.**

**I was really terrified outside the house, I was breathing really heavily again. What if this was just a really bad idea. Seth picked up on my mood.**

"**You can do this, just don't let him get under your skin if you get mad your loss your control. You can do this." I took strength in what he said. I believed that he believed in me. **

**I took a deep breath and nodded. I walked into the house with the key from under the matt. The first smell that hit me was alcohol. I walked into the living room and I could see why. There was empty bottles everywhere. Our beautiful home was long gone this was a shrine to the man he had become. I walked into the house and I smelled it, his blood. My throat burned like I was eating a flame thrower. It was so much worse then the wolves. I pulled myself together and it took a lot. I walked into the bedroom and there he was still tall, tan, and beautiful on the outside at least. I walk to the bed and got on my knees and tilted my head so our eyes lined up.**

"**Clay" I whispered softly, "Clay, wake up" a little louder that time.**

**He opened his eyes and screamed. Then he jumped back. **

"**So you recognize me, good" I sound surprisingly calm.**

"**Wwwwwwhat are yyyyou--," he could barely speak.**

"**What am I doing here?" I interrupted him and just guessed what he want to say.**

"**Yah wwwhy aaare yyyyou here." he was speaking more clearly.**

"**I think you know" I walk over to him faster then I should have because he ran right into the wall. He turned around to face me. I put my cold hand on his chest. **

"**What hhhhhappenedd to you?" he was taking deep breaths to calm himself but his heartbeat didn't slow. I could feel it beating under my hand. He was shack from fear or because of the cold maybe both.**

"**Death Clay, I died. That what changed. Hey ,you don't know anything about that do you?" his heat started to beat fasted, impossibly it made me more thirsty. **_**Don't lye, don't piss me off **_**I thought to myself.**

"**Nnnnoo no, mi corazon of course not." how dare he lye, how dare he call me that. I got mad but not to mad. I kept my cool I grab him by his throat gentle and with a small amount of energy knocked him into the wall.**

"**Really you don't know. I find that very hard to believe." my voice got more threatening. **

"**Ok, I'm sorry. Pppplease don't hurt me!" he was begging, good.**

"**I'm trying real hard not to kill you ok. What I want is for you to got to the cops. NOW!" I let him go and he ran out the door. "Stop!" I yelled and he froze where he was. "Tell them about your partner, now go"**

**As he ran I felt a great weight lifted from me. He didn't scare me anymore. He had no power and I did. I had control and great willpower. I felt proud of myself. I was strong.**


	17. Bridge

Chapter 16 Bridge

I took just a moment to enjoy my victory till I started ripping through the house like a hurricane. I stared looking for anything that maybe useful, I grabbed some money, a battery powered charger, and some of my old clothes. I looked in an old mirror next to a picture of me and Clay all coupley. I was so different then that girl, because she was carefree. Look at the two images and I really didn't look that different, my eyes were warm amber color now.

I ran out the door and straight to the car because the sun was out. As I sat in the passenger seat I watched my skin sparkled. The only way I could describe it was if chocolate was melted with a million tiny diamonds then hardened and shined. I kept admiring my skin this was my first time seeing it like this then Seth look over.

"You should probable go in the back, you know so no one see." We had bought window blinders a few miles back.

"Yah I should." I climbed in the back as we drove bake to the motel. "We can go somewhere a little nicer." I pulled out the money.

"Whoa, where did….you stole" he started laughing. " I guess he isn't going to go to the cops and say my dead ex-girlfriend stole my money."

"No I don't think he will." I gave him the directions to a little inn near the edge of town. After we got all settled I decided to check on Clay. He should be with the cops by now but when my mind found him he was outside on a bridge. He was getting ready to jump. "No, no what the hell are you doing." I saw a sigh East St Bridge . I focused back on this room.

"What's happening?" Seth was frantic at my side.

"He, he, he going to jump." I ran to get the key.

"I'll drive, you go in the back" he followed me to the door. I nodded and pull a sweat shirt over my head.

As we drove I put myself back on the bridge. I knew he couldn't hear me but I kept yelling at him. I felt so helpless. I watch as he took a step off the bridge.

"NO!" I started sobbing tearlessly. My chest moved up and down uncontrollable and my breathing became so unsteady.

"What wrong?" The voice sound like it was coming through a tunnel. I knew it was Seth but my mind could make the connection yet.

"It's to late, he's dead, he jumped and he's dead." The words came out in a big mess I don't think he understood me not until he pulled over. He pulled over and jumped into the back seat with me.

"It's going be ok, ok. Just breath Amanda, just breath deep it'll help calm you down. Ok" he put his hot hands on both side of my face and pulled my head so I had to look into his eyes. "It's going to be ok." he was talking slower now. It helped I felt more calm.

"Drive to the bridge, we have to see if he left a note." As Seth drove all I could think was how stupid and selfish Clay had been. His mom, his poor mom, needed him Clay was an only child and his dad had never been around. What was she going to do without

him. Then we made it there too late to do any real good. Seth got out and checked the car and I could see through the window it was there. He turned the letter so I could read it from here. It was mostly for his mom but he did confess and he wrote the name of the hit man, Frank Mariano. He gave them all the information the police would need. We drove away to leave some else to find the car and letter.

It didn't take long, about an hour later the story was all over the 8:00 news. I couldn't watch I just focused on the next step, my family. We would wait a week and give them time to deal with the truth about my death before we go to them with the whole 'I see dead people' thing. We spent the next week hanging out in the inn. Seth ditched the Volvo and rented car with Clay's money. When Seth wasn't with me the grief and guilt was overwhelming but when he was there I felt better. Seth had a gift making a person or at least me forget their problem. We watched movies, and he let me introduce him to all kinds of new music. We talked all the time about everything but mostly stories from when I was human. It was a good idea to have him study and he had a lot of questions.

"Do you have any nicknames?" he interrupted as I finished answering his last question.

"Yah, in high school people called me Sweets, cus I was voted class sweetheart twice. My family calls me Am sometimes, but no one calls me _Mandy_ I hate being called _Mandy_." I stretched out the horrible nickname.

"Why do you hate being called Mandy?" he couldn't stop laughing why was this so funny.

"Do I look like a 'Mandy'? To me it sounds like some bubbly air head, I am not air head." I knew I sounded silly.

"Ok no Mandy, so can I call you Sweets cus that really does fit." he smiled his beautiful smile.

"Yah, call me whatever you like." I smiled back.

Things were surprisingly good at time. I could feel myself changing starting to enjoy my new life and the new people it brought me. I would miss Seth when he went home.


	18. Family

**Chapter 18 Family**

**Today was the day I had been waiting for the day I would see my family. My nerves had me all wired up, it like there was real electricity running in my veins. I couldn't sit still which is really saying something because I'm a vampire and stay still is natural. **

"**Oh my god, what if she doesn't believe you?" I yelled to Seth while he was in the shower. **

"**She will, I'm very convincing." He yelled back.**

**Seth was right he was convincing. After a few more minutes of my bouncing off the wall he was ready to go. This was the happiest and most terrifying moment of my life before or after it got turned up side down. The happiness is overwhelming it caste a shadow over my paralyzing fear, I just smiled the whole ride. As we pulled up to my home I felt better than I had in so long, I could breath and I was home. **

"**Ok, so you know what to do right?" what a stupid question of course he knew. **

"**Yes, first ask if Cam is home, then asks her if we can talk, then tell her that I can talk to you and then well I prove it, then the rest of your family. Were are you going to be?" he asked.**

"**I'll be in a tree in the backyard so try and get her to talk on the porch." Then I ran to the tallest pine tree in the yard. No one could see me in the think green needles. Seth took a deep breath and rang the door bell. I could hear three hearts inside, and something strange like a pulse a little fast pulse but that didn't maybe she was holding Bronson but it sound smaller then him. Also I could hear a TV, and crying. "I'll get it." Ellen voice came from inside the house. This was probable bad news for Seth. I heard "Hi, can I help you?" she clear her throat.**

"**Yah, I knew your sister." he asked and took a loud swallow. I wish I could see what was happening.**

"**I've never seen you before. God I'm so sick of this every knew her. Just because you have a class together or pass her in the hall doesn't mean we need our phone running off the hook. What do you want to tell me that she sweet I know that, you wanna tell me she was funny cause I know that too. So what, what do you want?" Ell always get mad when she cries.**

"**Ahh, can I talk to Cam?" I guess he knows now he got the wrong sister.**

"**Sure, Cam door." I could hear her walk away and up the stairs.**

**I could hear Cam go to the door. "Hi" was all she said.**

"**Hi, I'm Seth Clearwater and I need to talk to you." he sound confident, that was good. **

"**About?" she wasn't going to make this easy for him.**

"**About your sister, Amanda." he sound a little less confident.**

"**What about Amanda?" **

"**Well I was hoping we could talk about it somewhere we can sit and I don't think you want to let a stranger in your house so, is there any where we can go?" great job Seth.**

"**Yah, lets go to the back porch." The walk slowly to the backyard but as soon as they turned the corner I could see her. She look the same and different, She had the same beautiful hair and eyes but they looked different, sad. It was so good to see her with my new eye all my memories where cloudy. **

"**Please let me finish what I need to say before you get upset, ok?" Seth voice was clear and sure again.**

"**Ok." **

"**I have a gift, you see I can talk to people once they move on. Your sister contacted me she wants you to knew she ok. I understand if you don't believe me but Amanda think that I have the best shoot with you, so ask me anything she's can hear us." He got it all out without her interrupting.**

"**Are you crazy? My sister is dead she doesn't talk to anyone. Get out of here. Go."**

**she was so mad. **

"**Seth, tell her the last time I saw her this mad was when I crashed her car." I whispered so soft only he could hear me.**

"**She said last time you were this mad was when she smashed your car." he smeared.**

"**That doesn't prove anything you crazy person anyone would be mad about that, she was only going to the grocery store then she come back five hour later with a huge dent in the fender." she laugh at the memory of me trying to play it off like no big deal.**

"**Tell her I took so long because I went to a mechanic, and if she wants something more personal tell her you know about when she tried get baby Bronson to say her name before he said mommy" I whispered softly and quickly.**

"**She said it took so long because she tried to fix it first and she said to tell you that she remember when you tried to teach your nephew to say your name before he said mommy"**

"**How did…that doesn't mean anything you could have guessed. Doesn't mean anything." she shook her head from right to left.**

"**Ask me anything." he told her.**

"**How old were we when we pretended to be twins" she asked him hostilely.**

"**Eight." I whispered and he repeated.**

"**Where did she loss her virginity?" great, why did she have to ask that.**

"**On Clay's couch." I whispered and he repeated with no judgment. I hated that I had given him so much of myself.**

**She searched for something only I would know. "When we were little we saw something and never told a soul not even Ellen, what was it?" she shuttered at the memory and so did eye a chill went down my spine.**

"**We were 8 and 9 and we saw a dead body in an ally we screamed and we ran and we didn't tell anyone." we both felt bad later but the police found him soon after, we just didn't know what to do. Seth repeated what I said and Cam gasped.**

"**You can really talk to her like really?" She looked shocked, scared and happy.**

"**Yes, and she wanted me to tell you she fine, she safe, and she misses you all."**

**She ran into the house and Seth followed. Soon they were in the living room Seth open the curtain so I could see then I listened and heard the strange…heartbeat. Ellen walked in the room with no Bronson, she was pregnant but wasn't showing.**

"**She's pregnant Seth, tell her I know and she doesn't have to name the baby after me if it's a girl." Seth told her what I said and tears filled her eyes.**

"**No way if she's a girl I'm naming her Amanda Sweets Kyle. I got pregnant before she disappear. I'm three months along" **

**When my mom and dad got home they were a harder sells, my dad almost punched Seth but he ducked. After a few more embarrassing stories they believed him. Soon we were talking and it was almost like Seth wasn't there, it was like I was talking to them. I got everything of my chest. After a while Seth had to go but we were going to come back tomorrow. I stayed after he left before he drove off and told me to come back when I was ready. I watched and listened and soon I forgot everything that I was dead, that I could never talked to them again, that I if they wouldn't be me I was home and with them. The next day was even better. Seth told them that I was happy and that I would always keep an eye on them. They asked were my body was and he told them that the hitman through me in the Pacific ocean. I left that night feeling free and happy. They were going to be ok.**


	19. Bagheera

*** hey going on vacation with no computer ****L so please don't forget about my story while I'm gone.**

**Chapter 19**

**Today was the day of my funeral my parents were barring an empty coffin. I debated going, part of me want to go see how many people would show up, and how many people would miss me, but I decided not to. I didn't need to see all the tears, and it wouldn't be right. Today Seth and I had different flights leaving out of Boston, well that what he thought at least. Before we left last night my dad gave Seth my necklace. **

"**I think Ammy would want you to have this." I forgot to tell him about that nickname, only my dad called me Ammy. He also gave him an old picture of me.**

"**Wow!" he said I gave him a confused look. "Your beautiful now but even then you were…stunning. Your eyes were…wow." He struggled to find the right words. He must have been talking about the ring. My dark brown eyes had a blue ring around them, it made my eyes pop.**

"**Thanks. It genetic the older I would have got the more blue they would turn. My grandpa eyes where light blue before he died."**

**It was 8 am. Time to wake Seth up. I didn't want to I didn't want to be alone.**

"**Wake up." I pushed the matters a little to hard and it went flying off the box spring , "So sorry"**

**He got off the floor quickly and wiped his hand against his head. "Well at least I'm really awake." he yawned before he finished his sentence. He started laughing really loud .**

"**What? What's so funny." He was looking at me.**

"**Your hair, it look so…cute" he choked on his own sarcasm.**

**I ran to the mirror, it was a mess. My hair black was usually pin straight and to my shoulders. But now it was a big knotted mess, I combed my hair with my fingers till it framed my face the right way again my hair was cut short near the front of my face and longer near the back. I'm glad I like my hair seeing how I stuck with it forever. **

"**What happened?" he asked.**

**If I was human I would be blushing but even then I don't know if you would see under my dark skin. "I was a little frustrated, at night when your sleeping I block out the heartbeats by turning them to music in my head, last night I had major writer blocks and all of the noise got to me." I had spent the better part of my night pulling at my hair. My problem wasn't so much writer's block as it was I couldn't write what I wanted.**

"**Ok, so I changed our fights, we're leaving out of JFK in New York City. How can I let you come on your first trip to the east coast and not take you to New York." He look so surprised.**

"**Really that so cool, are you coming with me I don't know anything about the city?" he sounded so exited. **

"**Kinda, I bought these." I passed him one of two cell phones I bought, "It's yours and there prepay so don't worry about a bill or anything. So today I be with you in my head, and in your ear." I would stay behind in a hotel room but I would see everything that he would see and we would talk through the phones it would be like I was there."**

**The plan went well we had a great time going to all the usually tourist spots I'd already seen a ton of time but this this was different more fun because of Seth. We went to Times Square, Central Park, 5th**** Ave, Rockefeller Center, and Empire State Building. We went to China town for lunch they have great buffet cheap. When we were in China town he bought me a bracelet I tried to tell him not to but he was going to get me one anyway so why not one I like. It was a chine link charm bracelet with black silk running through and had a shiny silver heart, an eighth note, lock, and a little key . After a long great day we finally made it. When we got to the airport I realized I had no id, so no plane for me. After Seth finished a giant Cinnabon he had to go to his gate.**

"**I want you to have this." I hand him the necklace the Bella and Alice got me, "Give it to Jamie if you guys get more serious or your sister, I don't need it I have the real thing now." I grabbed my necklace, my connection to the old me. He didn't try to fight me he knew that the expensive necklace meant nothing to me. This was hard, and I didn't want to say goodbye. Better to keep it short. **

"**Well thanks for everything. I don't know what I would have done without you. You saved my life. And…I'm gonna miss you, a lot." I gave him a hug buried my face in his hot shoulder. I looked into his eyes.**

"**I'm gonna miss you too, so call me ok, often." He kissed to top of my head. I melted, so stupid. He left then back home I waved from near the metal detectors that as far as I could go.**

**Driving to the rainforest in Brazil was long and hard for even a vampire I drove all day and night it still took forever. When I got to the Panama Canal I want to give up, but I new it would be the best place for me.**

**It didn't take long to fall into a pattern. I was deep into the heart of the jungle where none of the animals were marked and no man had ever been. I would hunt animals mostly large cats on the dark forest floor. The rest of my days were spent on the canopy with the birds, who all stayed at least 20 yards away. They had such beautiful colors and the sun was warm. I looked in on my family a lot also the Cullens who I missed more and more and Seth who I missed terrible to. I had only known him 10 days but now it was hard to be without him. I have to stop thinking like this he was just a friend, a friend.**

**I was lonely, just listened to music and ran around. On day I was hunting and I killed a panther when I heard something in in the bushes an few yards away. I ran away from the dead animal when suddenly a cub came to it's side. I had killed a mommy, the cub looked young and was only two feet tall and was a smoky grey color. It keep nudging it mama. I took at step towards it and he hide behind his mama. I ran antelope and gave it to the cub. It was like that for a while I would bring the cub who turned out to be a girl food but after a while she tried to follow so I named her. I named her Bagheera after the panther from The Jungle Book. I looked The Jungle Book movie from 1994, it was live action I always love Mowgli. He was honest and innocent, strong and sweet. He reminded me of some one else hell Mowgli was even raised by wolves. **

**About a month had passed and I had no visitor not till one morning.**


	20. Unexpected

*note to any Canadian reader I just got back from any amazing trip to Toronto and it was fun, freezing, and surprisingly inspiring I now know that I'm writing a sequel.

Chapter 20 Unexpected

I caught the vampire scent, at first I was sure it would be Alice or someone else from her family but as I really smelled it was totally unfamiliar. My muscles got tense as my instincts took over, I knew that this may turn into a fight but my body had no doubt of this fact. The scent was fresh who ever it was wasn't far. My eyes swept the dark forest, just then I was the last thing I expected to see a little girl who looked familiar. When had a seen this strange little girl with large men on both sides of her. They all wore dark cloak and the girl who looked about fifteen and had pale brown hair. One of the men next too her looked familiar too, were did I know them from. The group looked so out of place it was almost comical. They step closer to me and I got ready to defend myself.

"We're not here to hurt you, no no, your safe." her voice was so sweet, I almost believed her till I realized were I knew here from.

"Jane, your Jane." I didn't want to sound scared but I did. I was terrified, I knew all about her and what she was capable of.

"Thats right. And your Amanda," how did she know my name? "Now that we're done with the introductions I would like to make you an offer. You see Aro is very interested in your…talent." she smiled but the way she said 'talent' made it seem like she didn't agree.

"Wait what…you want me? To what…be one of you?" Really they wanted me?

"I don't want anything from you. But Aro thinks you may have potential. Don't worry you can still _live_ your lifestyle, we'll make arrangement. Come try it out if you don't like it your free to leave. You must get lonely around here." She was right I was lonely. Even with Bagheera and 'seeing' the people I loved it was nice to talk to another person.

"When?" I was curious what is it like to be royalty.

"Now, finish your snack and lets go." she seemed so discussed.

"Bagheera is not a snack she my friend." she looked more discussed.

"Okahhh, ready to go?" didn't really seem like a question.

"One second." I ran back to my camp site and grabbed my things.

When I got back she introduced me to the two men. One was named David he was a handsome young man, tall, brown hair, and a great smile. He also had golden eyes like mine I smiled at him. The other was much bigger, the one I knew was Felix. His eyes were crimson.

They had there own plane. I spent most of the flight in the cargo hold with Bags she was nervous. When I was up top I talk to David. He was twenty five and had only been a vampire for five years, before that he was a hockey player from Canada. One night he was practicing at a lake by his house when a beautiful women asked his if he would keep her company, he did know she meant forever. Things didn't make it to forever one night they got into a fight and she tried to kill him, David was still a newborn and he killed her. That why he a vegetarian now he heard that it make our kind have stronger relationships, more loving and he wants find real love.

When we got to the palace because that is all you could this place under the ground of the city. After a quick introduction to all the guards I meant the Volturi. I was really nerves.

"Hello child I'm so glad to see you came to join us. Please may I take you hand it will help me understand you better." Aro said politely. I knew what he meant he want to see my thoughts all my thought, I wondered if I could say no. Probably not. I gave him my hand.

"Ahh you have had such a hard life, such a shame. But dear you should be grateful that that pig killed himself if he was alive we may have had to punish you." I swallowed loudly.

"What I don't understand is the fondness for those creatures, I saw the same thing in Edward's mind only without the romantic edge ." how could he say romantic, why would he say romantic I have never thought anything like that, I'm not that dumb.

"Dear it's in your thoughts in his eyes as hard as you try to hide it, it's there." he was still holding my hand. Crap.

He laughed " I'm going to like having you around"


	21. Needle

Chapter 21 Needle

"Hello beautiful." Demetri walked around the corner.

"Hello Demetri, is there something you need?" he was always buzzing around, what did he thing that if he bugged me enough I would jump his bones.

"Yes, Aro has more people he want you to meet, but after may-be you would like to join me, I'm being sent to Paris to keep an eye on something before it gets out of hand. I think you would be a better travel companion then Felix, we would have more fun."

"No thanks." time to meet more 'threats' as Caius called them, they were people on the top of the Volturi's Most Wanted List, yes Edward was right it was a real thing and they were at the top along with most of their friends. I had meet Tanya's coven, also Zafrina's coven they were pleasant but they had way too many questions for my liken 'How big is Nesse?' , and 'Is Carlisle still working?' and of course 'Has Jasper slipped up?'. I hope that who ever it was didn't know the Cullens.

I walked into the room causally. "Has anyone seen Heidi?"

"Ahh Mandy, so glad you stopped by this is Caleb he's from the Midwest also, although he lived there for….what was it 200 year?"

"Yah about." the red head seemed impaction probably wonder why he was here.

"I'm from New England, Aro remember" I didn't bother telling him I hated being called Mandy he knew that already.

"Yes, yes but America is all the same" I couldn't tell if he was joking.

"Yes well if you see her, tell Heidi we need to speak. It was nice to meet you Caleb." I shook his hand to be nice.

"It was nice too meet you too, but may I ask you something?" he looked into my eye, and I knew what he want to ask but to be polite I just said "Sure, shoot."

"Why are your eyes that strange color?" he didn't sound rube compared to others.

"It's my...diet I don't drink human blood, I choose to live off of animal blood instead that why I need to talk to Heidi, she goes way to exotic. The last animal she brought my was a giraffe, it was so strange."

He laughed and I left just nodding. No one here understood why I lived like this, they were all so use to the human blood they didn't think of their victims as people, no one felt guilty. No one understood beside David and Afina. Afina is a 450 year old Gypsy who also doesn't drink human blood, she stopped because one day as she was hunting she choose to follow her pray before she feed, she saw him go home to his family, and him play with his children and she couldn't help feeling terrible. She let him live but every time she tried to hunt people that man and his family came to her mind. It hit her then that they were innocent.

Afina is so beautiful even for a vampire. She gave Rosalie a run for her money with big doe eyes and thick, long, black hair down her back. She also had a really cool power she could stop time, not literally but she can freeze a person's mind, and they stop in their tracks. I had only seen her do it once it was the funniest thing.

Dave's ability is any thing but comical. He can control a person's thought and actions, in anyone else hands that would scare the hell out of me but he never abused his power. David only works as a kind of recruiter. He goes to gifted individuals and make them join the guards, if I had said no chances are Dave would have done that to me. Aro want to take full advantage of his power but Dave wasn't going to let that happen. He did make Eleazar and Carmen join again and that's how they found me and others.

Afina, Dave, Bags, and me were a little crew and things were comfortable but never right. Time passed and I missed my families both new and old. I called Alice and asked her to visited on my birthday she brought Carlisle and Esme which was nice. Amazingly nice. It hurt to let them leave without me. Esme pulled me a side before they left.

"Dear please come back whenever your ready, Edward feels terrible about everything. And..." she gave me a shy smile "People miss you." she handed me a letter with my name. I didn't wait for her to leave I read it right there.

_Hey Sweets,_

_I've never written a letter like this before and I'm not sure what to write expect I miss you and, just I miss you and it's ok you haven't called cause your busy. Anyway things here are good only real news is I got a call from your sister, Cam. She said something that hit me, I probably shouldn't have wrote that it's not the kind of thing you say in a letter, guess you have to come visit now. Wow I suck at this, I would start all over again but I would probably talk myself out of this. Ok back on topic I miss you and that's all. Sorry if this sound like a diary entry and I hope I see you soon cause like I said before well you get the point. _

_ Bye Seth_

I stood there biting my lip for a minute before I could even think what the hell could I write back. His letter was so honest and every thought in his head if I did that I don't even know what would come out. Esme waited a while and I ran to get paper and a pen, then I ran back and got a pencil just in case. Dear Seth was probably a good start.

_Dear Seth,_

_I miss you too a lot actually. Thing here are good, I know you didn't ask but I thought that would a good place to start. I've never written a letter like this either but I thought yours was amazing it sounded like, I don't know how I feel.. I'm going to see you soon and since there no way for you to come here I'll come to you but just not yet.. Ok so I really miss you and I hope I see you soon cause your still the best guy I know._

_ Amanda_

I gave them all hugs and was so happy that they brought my guitar. I was just playing it after they left when Jane walked in.

"We need you in the Great room." she said more coldly then usual.

I walked in and it was strange, everything was change around and there was a some new people. There was a chair in the middle of the room.

"Have a seat." she smirked at me.

"I'm good." I got ready to run but two guard grab my hands. "Let me go!!!" I broke free but then I was struck by the most horrible pain. It was like a million flaming knife digging into every part of me. I fell to the ground, time was so slow. I want to yell to tell her to stop but I knew that it wouldn't help and I didn't want her to get the satisfaction. After what felt like an eternity of the worst pain I could imagine she finally let me go. Felix rapped his steel arms around me, which was not necessary I wasn't going anywhere. Jane came to me with a steel needle in her hand.

"What's that?" my voice cracked in fear.

"Nothing you need to worry about our new friend Dr. Buckley was very talented doctor as a human and it seem he only gotten better, this is just a little test."

"No,no. Aro will be pissed he likes me Jane. I'm not a guinea pig."

"I don't think he'll mind, this is Shana, she's kind of your replace . You see she has a similar ability to you but she only need to see a picture of someone to follow them, so your not really needed anymore, sorry. And don't worry the needle will go through see the kind doctor has found a way to make weapons that will work on our kind" She walk behind me and plugged the needle in to my neck.

Instantly I felt drifty. My eyes got heavy and all my thoughts were lost. Soon I was asleep. It felt good just like sleeping for the first time in months because it was. Soon I was dreaming and just like everything else it was so different as a vampire. I felt so peace I couldn't even worry that I may die. I was on a beach, and I was human. I felt my heart beating, my throat didn't burn and I was in the blinding sun on this warm beach. It was a memory from my last birthday, my sisters and I went to Florida. This wasn't blurry like the rest of my human memories it was like my subconscious could fill in the blanks. But them as I walk they disappeared and soon I was in the wood alone. This forest looked like Forks but smelled wrong it smelled like sea water and werewolves. I felt my skin harden and my heart stop. I knew they would be coming, I ran and two huge wolves were on my heels. I ran for my life but wasn't fast enough. They caught me, and I wake up.


	22. Confessions

**Chapter 22 Confessions**

**I opened my eyes and everything was blurry. I blinked and it helped. I was in my bed and Bags was licking the soul of my foot (It was a new habit, she did bite me once but it just hurt her teeth). I got up on my feet and almost fell but I caught myself on the wall. In the blink of an eye David was at my side.**

**"What happed, what did they do to me?!?!" My voice was so tense it almost didn't sound like me. My hand moved to the base of my neck where Jane plunged the needle, I could feel a tiny bump.**

**"I don't know, I was just walking by a I saw you in that chair...sleeping and I brought you here. You been a sleep for two days."**

**"Two days" I gasped it felt like hour. Just then Afina busted in.**

**"Thank god, you had me so worried." she pulled me into a bear hug.**

**"Thank you guys for being here, but I can't stay here anymore. I have to leave., I have to go home."**

**"This is your home." Dave was almost pleading.**

**"No it not, it never was. I only have one home now. Forks."**

**The flight felt so long probably because I was so anxious about what would happen after the landing. I didn't have any problems with security I had all my paper and a new passport Amanda Newly. I picked Newly because I felt new. I had learned a lot about myself during my time Italy but even more while I got ready to leave. I knew were I belonged.**

**As I walked off the plane I had no idea what to expect. Did they still want me back, now that I was back did we all have to move, I just didn't know. As I walk through the gate I saw them Bella, Nessie, Jacob and Seth. He was a few feet in front of the others. I jogged over to him and raped my arms around his waist and pressed the side of my face to his shoulder. He was so hot but it didn't matter, my throat burned and it didn't matter, all that matter is that I was with him. And I couldn't deny what Aro had said anymore because all I wanted at this moment was to hold him and never let go. He kissed the top of my head.**

**"Hey, I thought you weren't coming for a while." He had a big goofy smile on his face.**

**"Change of plans." I looked over at the rest of my welcoming party, I let go of Seth and face them.**

**"Nessie!!" I yelled as she ran to me. She jumped up and I caught her and spun her around.**

**"How you been munchkin?" I asked her playfully as I put her down.**

**"Hey I'm not that short." she said proudly.**

**"No your not, wow your so tall." she look older, it was different seeing her everyday and notice small changes but being gone 3 months it was dramatic. I turned to Bella next and gave her a warm hug. I always knew that her changing me was a terrible mistake, but now that I saw how little life meant to others like us I was impressed that she stopped, and that she felt remorse, and that it was the last thing she wanted. **

**"Bella, I think you know this but I have to say it. I forgive you I did a long time ago but I just need you to know and I want to say thank you for having enough strength to stop when you did. I'm probably alive because of you." I got emotional.**

**She didn't speak for a minute, and looked so touched. "I'm so glad that you feel that way. And I'm so glad that it was you because if you stay here I know you'll be a great sister." she smiled.**

**"Thank you." I really did like Bella, she was funny and unselfish she was a good person.**

**I look at Jacob and gave him a hand shack "Welcome back" he said . **

**"Thanks" I replayed.**

**They had rented a moving truck so Bags didn't have to be in a cage. Me, Nessie, and Jacob road in the back with her. Nessie was unbelievably excited. Before we picked up Bagheera, she was practically hoping un and down.**

**"She so pretty and soft." Nessie cooed.**

**Bags was purring, and Jacob and I were standing at the wall watching the two play. It was so quiet, I didn't know him well but I knew this wasn't how he acted. Before I knew what I was saying I just blurted out.**

**"Why don't you like me?" I tried not to sound insecure. I just didn't get it, Jacob was warm and friendly to everyone but me and Rose but that was a different story.**

**"What? No, it not personal. It just....your young and that make you dangerous, I have to protect Ness and if you ...lost it and I have to attack and it would be easier if I didn't like you, and it's hard cause your likable, so just gotta keep my distance."**

**"I get that but I love Nessie, and I would never hurt her." **

**"I know but I gotta be careful, she my world." His face was full of light. I understood now why no one thought it was weird. He loved her not romantically, it was pure and sweet.**

**When we got to the house everything was the same only the never used attick was converted into a small jungle, it was the same size as the house so it was big enough for her. I as Alice if I should take her back to the Amazon but she said that Bags wouldn't last long without me. After a week home everyone saw that something was wrong I told them about what happened and they we need to keep our guards up because of David, Aro still want Alice and Edward. No one noticed anything else but Jasper. One day I was in my room practicing my waltz, it seem like a rule even Nessie could dance.**

"**It may help if you had a partner." Jasper stood in the door way.**

"**Yah, are you offering." I most have looked like a fool.**

"**May I have this dance," I nodded, "Can I talk to you about something."**

"**Yah, of course." **

"**I knew about how you feel about Seth, at first I didn't know who it was but it so clear when your together and I think you should go for it?" **

"**No, even thinking it is stupid." I shock my head from side to side.**

"**But why is it stupid, because I don't see how love can ever be stupid. Love a lot of things but not stupid, it can make you do stupid thing but it's never stupid."**

"**Jasper, it stupid because it would **_**never ever **_**work out." I made sure to emphasize never ever.**

"**Why, you should try?" he sounded sincerely.**

"**I can't try, it Seth, ok. I mean he was there for me supporting me, and making me fell…happy for the first time since everything changed. I don't even mean change like into a vampire for the first time since things went bad with Clay." It was so good to say this out loud. Not to loud because I still didn't want anyone to know, I wasn't ashamed there was just know point in them knowing. **

"**He just amazing, like unbelievable amazing, He sweet, and funny, and beautiful in so many ways. I never meant anyone half as sincere him. It's his, it's Seth" I was smiling I could feel my face pulling it to the biggest smile just talking about him.**

"**Really?" I knew who it was but I couldn't look, there was no way he just happened to be in this house, to come up the stairs just to hear me. But he was I look at the door and there he was just standing there with a nervous smile on his face. **

"**We have to talk." he said sound serous now.**

"**Ok." I couldn't say more then that my voice was to shaky. Jasper left with this OMG look on his face when Seth couldn't see.**

"**Can we go some were else." his voice was so soft that I don't think anyone else could hear. I just nodded and open the big back window. We both jumped down. We ran silently and I ran slowly. Seth was fast as a human but not that fast. We got to a tiny field. **

"**How much did you hear?" I could barely speak.**

"**I'm pretty sure everything. I kind of was listening to the whole thing" He gave me a shy smile that made my heart melt. **

"**I got mad,-" my heart broke but before it could really react he finished his sentence. "that you said it was stupid, I got so mad. Why can't we try?" Was he serous.**


	23. Risks

Chapter 23 Risks

"You're joking, you have too be joking, Seth there are a million and one reasons not to try."

"I don't care, none of that matters." He looked so sure I looked deeply into his beautiful coffee brown eyes and for a second I didn't care either. But only for a second.

"You could die and…if I …if I hurt you, I can't even think about it. Look we are not Bella and Edward, if I bite you die. We don't have a happy ending. What…what if we are kissing and you cut your tongue on my teeth or any thing like that, I can't risk that, and I can't risk _you_." I had to make myself clear.

"Hey if that all then it's up to me and I say you're worth it." He walked up to me and put one hand on my cheek.

I could see what he was doing, I could move out of the way but I didn't. I didn't want to. His hot, soft lips touch mine so gently at first. Then slowly the passion grew, soon I had lost myself. I didn't want to stop. I need to be this close to him, it was so natural, so perfect. I never felt more human then now, and I never felt so connected to someone else. I put both my arms around his neck as he moved both his hand around my waist. He pulled me close against his body and I could feel his heart beating faster and faster. I pulled away. I wasn't anymore thirsty then usual but I didn't want to do anything stupid. Having his arms around me was much easier then when we first meet, it felt nice to be warmed. Everything about the kiss was perfect, even the smell that was something I had slowly gotten used to didn't take anything away from that flawless moment.

"That wasn't so bad was it?" he laughed then and looked nervous like he thought I would say yes.

"No, it was great but Seth I don't know what this means, ok."

"Ok?" He made his confused face, I love his confused face.

"I have to think." I really had to think.

"That's fine I have a patrol now anyway." He kissed me on the cheek and disappeared into the forest.

I want to run, I was so jazzed about the kiss I had to burn away all the energy, and all the butterflies. Running was the best way to clear my head, but I didn't want to run it to Seth so I took off in the opposite direction he went. As I ran I focused on my steps. As hard as I tried my mind went back to what just happened, I could still feel his heat and smell his scent. Only it got thicker the werewolf scent, I was chocking on it. Crap, I must have crossed the boundary line. I as I ran to leave I hear step behind me and before I knew it there were two huge wolves on my heels. One was grey and the other light brown.

"Just a mistake, CHILL !!!!" I yelled but they didn't slow down. I made a sharp right and the grey one slammed into a tree and the other tried to turn but he slide too far. I took the opportunity to climb a tree and call for help.

"Hel—" I was cut off as the tree fell to the ground, one of them pushed it down, I land on my feet at took off running a few yards a head. They caught up sooner than I thought, I turned around and before he knew what hit him I kicked the grey wolf in the chest but as I pulled my foot back his teeth slide down my marble skin from my knee to ankle. Over the horrible metallic sound all anyone could hear was my scream. I turned and tried to run but my leg couldn't support my weight and I fell. Just as he got ready to bite me, something knocked him out of the way. My leg was already healing so I stumbled as far as I could before I fell again. I looked to my left and saw what had saved me, my hero, Seth. They were face to face growling at each other. Soon we weren't alone. All the Cullens and a whole mess of wolves, I didn't know who's pack they were in, I assumed Sam's because they all backed the grey wolf.

"Everyone lets calm down." Carlisle said clearly.

"I agree, we'll all meet tomorrow, discus everything." Edward said specking for someone. Then the wolves left, all of them even Seth. Why was he leaving?

"He coming back, he just wants to phase." Edward looked down at me. _Thanks a lot mind rapist._ I rolled my eyes. "I think we should talk tomorrow as well" he added after that._ Great_

Just then Seth came through the bushes wearing just jeans, he looked so serous. I got to my feet and hopped towards him, he ran to me as I fell into his arms. I hugged him and was so grateful to be here, I let out few nervous breaths.

"Are you ok, did they hurt you?" his voice was small.

"I'm fine now." I looked at my leg casually I didn't want him to see but it was almost healed. Everyone else left and it was just the two of us. He kissed the top of my head, and then lifted my chin so I was looking at him. He looked deeply into my eyes if I was still human I would have blushed at the intimacy, as it was I looked down and then back up.

"When heard you scream, it was the worst moment of my life. I just kept thinking I wouldn't see you again, or tell how I really feel. Amanda screw slow, already love you. I love you." His word left my dumbfounded. My mind stopped in its tracks which is unbelievable for a vampire. I must have looked so stupid. I closed my mouth and should have thought very careful about what to say next but just like I always did I spoke before I could think.

"I love you too, some much. That why I need to keep you safe." I wanted to be with him.

"You keep me safe and sane and happy and motivated, you're what's good for me, I swear we will be careful and we have a couple of experts living in your house." He kissed my lip softly.

"Ok, ok you win." Really we both win because I get the best guy in the world. He picked me up into his arms.

"Put me down." I tried to say seriously but I just laugh.

"I'm gonna carry you back to the house, I saw your leg." He smiled down out me.

"I'm fine now and that so far." For all the perks being as hard as stone came with the whole weight thing wasn't one of then. Vampires weight a ton.

"I don't mind." He pulled me closer and didn't seem to be struggling. I just rest me cheek on his chest the whole way back. As we moved silently through the forest I knew things would work out. I had a new family, a new guy, and a fresh start maybe I could like life like this as a vampire, no as a Cullen.


	24. Epilogue

Epilogue

It had been three weeks since my near death whatever and thing were calm. The next day when we had our meeting and things were tense to say the least. There was some yelling and some accidental phasing but after that we all got down to business. We all agreed to a compromise, we would leave Washington and move to Astoria, Oregon and we could come back and visit, all and all it was fair. Sam, Jared, Paul and a few others were taking this opportunity to retire from the werewolf game, now that we were leavening there wasn't a need for them. The rest of Sam's pack joined up with Jacob's group, all together there were twelve of them, more then enough for the few unlucky vamps that may cross their paths.

Today was our last day at the big house by the river, and I would miss it. I looked at my room which was filled with marked boxes and it reminded me of when I move out of my mom and dad's house that day under all the excitement was fear and anxiety, this was much less dramatic. The people I care about were coming with me. Seth and Jacob were going to get an apartment as soon as they both saved up enough. Seth was going to start at Northwestern University in September and Jake was going to get a job as a mechanic. Things between us in prove that to that uncomfortable conversation in the back of the truck and a even more awkward icebreaker on his part. One day I was sitting on the couch and he plopped himself right next to me.

"Hey Amanda." He said strangely.

"Hey Jacob." I replied in the same strange tone.

"So can I ask you something?" he said more causally then before.

"Go ahead." He tried to hold back a smile when I answered.

"When we first meet before you tried to kill me what were you thinking about?" he said still holding back that smile. I knew that would bite me in the ass.

"Why do you ask?" I tried to sound innocent, like I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Just something Edward said that night 'Alluring his face alluring, unbelievable.'" He huffed and flipped his hair after he finished imitating Edward's disgusted voice. "I've just been wonder who was this alluring man?"

As unbelievable as it was I hated Edward more. I bite my lip before I spoke.

"You ok, it was you" I laughed at the confession. "Your handsome ok, not like you don't know that, you loser."

"Ok, I thought so, but does this mean I'm better looking then Seth." He stood up and started posing like a model.

"You wish." I stood up and pushed him.

From then on we were cool. I couldn't say the same for Edward. We have barely talked since I came back he apologized a few times and have accepted but I don't know if we would ever be friend they way I was with the rest of the family. I had really bonded with everyone. I all ready liked Nesse, Alice, Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme, but after my return I got closer to Jasper and Rose they had both keep their distance because of my general moppyness before. Jasper hate be to close to me because I was always sad, and Rose said seeing me mourning my own death reminded her to much of herself and she didn't want to think about that part of her life. I took three boxes down the stairs (super strength was a real time saver) and saw everyone in the living room. Carlisle was holding Esme in his arms and she looked nervous.

"What's going on?" I scoffed this felt a lot like an intervention.

"We would like to ask you something very important, life changing if you allow it." Carlisle said seriously.

"Ok, ask away." I couldn't think of anything that could change my life anymore.

"We want you to join our family, officially. Amanda I know you have a mother and father that you love very much and we don't want to take that away from you, we only want to add, add love and support. We want you to be our daughter, would you like to be a Cullen." Esme words were so elegant, so perfect. I just nodded my head up and down. They all rushed to hug me, their new sister and daughter. Esme had it right accepting them didn't take away my love for my family, nothing ever could. A hundred years from now Michael and Jasmine Brooks would still be my mom and dad and I would still love them as much as I love them today but now I would have Esme and Carlisle by my side till god only knows when.

"I'm so happy." Esme was the first to reach me. Hugging her felt like hugging my mom, she had the same warmth.

"Amanda, you are a wonderful addition to the family." It was strange how they already felt like family, Carlisle was already like a second dad.

"Hey sis." Emmett said before he picked me up and spun me around.

"Now that you official you know this means, I'm only going to help you more. We need to find you some fabrics that don't hold smell if you are going to be with Seth all the time." She gave me a smug look.

"Welcome to the family, little sister." Bella said as she kissed my cheek.

"Oh no no, I'm your older sister. I'm 20 remember, I'm older then all of you except Jasper and Emmett." I was still a middle child, so sad.

"No that not how it works, I was born 1987, I should be 22, 23 in September which make me older. And these guys a lot older then the both of us." We all laugh.

I was amazing how much my feelings have changed. If on that first day someone, like maybe Alice had told me I would end up a part of this family I would have ask how they brainwashed me or something like does being a vampire make you stupid. But it like Jasper said love will make you do stupid things, and I love them now. They are part of my life and a part of my heart and that can never be changed, because once you change its forever.


End file.
